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CLUB  ETIQUETTE 


A   CONVKRSATION 

BETWEKN   A   CI.UB   WOMAN   AND   A   N0N-ME)MBKR 

WHO  ANSWER  THK  CALIvING  QUESTION 

OVER     THE    TEA   CUPS 


(\vG^l4,K 


BT 


ELLA     GILES    RUDDY 

PRESIDENT  OF  THE  CALIFORNIA   BADGER  CLUB 
OF  LOS  ANGELES 


WITH      A      CLUB      CREED 

BY 

MRS,    ROBERT  /.    BURDETTE 

VICE-PRESIDENT  OF  THE  GENERAL  FEDERATION  OF  WOMEN'S  CLUBS 


LOS     ANGELES 

OUT     WEST     COMPANY 

1902 


Copyrig-hted  by 
Ella  Giles  Ruddy 

1902 
All  rigrhts  reserved 


TO 
MRS.  W.  T.  Ll^WIS 

who,  as  President  of  the  Ebell  Society  of  Los  Ang-eles,  California, 
exemplified  the  beauties  of  an  unwritten  but  recogrnized  code  of 

CLUB  ETIQUETTE 
based  upon  and  always  difEusing^  Courtesy  and  Justice; 

and  whose  lasting-  influence,  it  is  hoped,  may  help  many  clubs  of  women 

to  fling-  wide  the  portals  of  a  new  palace  of  g-enial  feminine 

amenities,  this  little  volume  of  partial  truths  and 

exag-g-erated  truths  is  lovinfirly  inscribed. 


736984 


TO 

MRS.  ROBERT  J.  BURDETTK 

of  Pasadena,  California 

Vice-President  of  the  General  Federation  of  Women's 
Clubs,  for  her  g-enerously  and  magrnanimously  contributed 
"Club  Creed,"  which  appears  in  the  following-  pagres  and 
which  all  club  women  should  find  most  helpful,  the  writer 
of  this  book  desires  to  express  sincere  thanks. 

Ella  Giles  Ruddy. 

Mission  Cottag-e^  Wilshi/'e  Boulevard^ 
Los  Angeles^  California.     October  /,  1Q02, 


MRS.  ROBERT  J.  BURDEXWY?  '■>.'%'• 

CREED    FOR    CLUB    LIFE 
FOR     WOMEN 


I  believe  in  afternoon  club  life  for  women. 

I  believe  in  evening  club  life  for  men  and  women  together 
when  it  does  not  rob  the  home  of  father  and  mother. 

I  believe  that  woman  has  no  right  to  undertake  any  work! 
whatsoever  outside  of  the  home,  along  th€  lines  of  philan-  \ 
thropy,  church,  temperance  or  club  life,  that  does  not  emanateij 
from  the  home  and  in  its  final  and  best  results  return  to  thei) 
home.  Home  must  always  be  the  center,  but  not  the  limit  of 
woman's  life.  /^ 

I  believe  in  equal  rights  in  the  family  for  father  and  mother 
in  intelligence,  affection  and  filial  respect.  These  the  club 
should  foster. 

I  believe  in  nine-tenths  of  the  club  members  doing  the  work 
and  one-tenth  the  criticising,  instead  of  the  reverse. 

I  believe  in  individual  responsibility  for  every  interest  of 
the  club,  mutual  sympathy  and  appreciation  of  results. 

I  believe  no  woman  has  a  right  to  accept  a  place  on  any 
committee  unless  she  serve  faithfully,  promptly,  intelligently, 
and  is  willing  to  stand  by  the  results  of  her  individual  action. 

I  believe  that  women  should  have  a  moral  responsibility 
regarding  financial  matters  in  the  prompt  payment  of  dues 
and  pledges,  and  a  comprehension  that  as  no  other  phase  of 
life  can  be  carried  on  without  money,  neither  can  the  enlarged 
club  life. 

I  believe  in  the  value  of  a  minute  and  that  thievery  of 
time  on  the  part  of  one  late  member  from  those  in  waiting  is 
reprehensible.  Railroad  trains  do  not  wait;  why  should  im- 
mortal souls? 


,,^    .  CREED    FOR    CLUB    LIFE 

-  ''I  believe,  cut  of '.consideration  for  others,  in  removing  the 
„  '.l$at;in  all  p'dbHc  assemblies. 

'• '  ■'  I  bdjeretn;  occupying  the  seat  farthest  from  the  aisle  when 
there  are  others  to  come,  and,  for  the  same  reason,  occupying 
front  seats  first. 

I  believe  that  club  members  should  restrain  themselves  from 
whispering  or  the  rustling  of  skirts  or  papers  during  club 
sessions. 

I  believe  no  woman  should  seek  or  use  official  position  for 
1  self   aggrandizement,   or   club   affiliations    for    stepping-stones 
J  \  only,   but   that   she   should    utilize   her   opportunities   for   the 
altruisms  of  life. 

I  believe  the  character  and  good  name  of  each  individual 
member  of  the  club  should  be  as  sacredly  guarded  by  all 
other  members  as  are  those  of  the  family,  and  that  the  use  of 
dishonorable  political  methods  in  club  life  for  women  will  be 
the  death  knell  of  pure,  womanly  organizations. 

I  believe  the  Golden  Rule  for  club  women  should  be — 
Do  right  unto  others,  regardless  of  what  others  do  unto  you. 


SYNOPTICAL     Q  U  ESTIO  NS 

1.  THE  QUESTION  OF  CALLS. 

Is  the  conventional  code  of  etiquette  regarding  calls 
adapted  to,  or  a  guide  for,  the  conduct  of  women  who  are 
members  of  the  same  club? 

Should  club  etiquette  require  a  woman  to  wait  until  called 
upon  by  officers  and  members  before  entertaining  them? 

If  a  club  woman  accepts  an  invitation  to  a  club  reception, 
luncheon  or  dinner,  is  she  not  thus  honoring  her  hostess, 
and  need  she  feel  troubled  if  she  can  not  get  time,  or  for  any- 
other  reason  fails  to  call  afterward? 

Should  not  an  officer  or  director,  who  has  not  previously 
called  upon  a  member,  take  the  earliest  opportunity  to  do  so 
after  being  invited  to  any  club. or  other  function  at  her  house, 
whether  she  accepts  or  not? 

Should  an  officer  or  member  under  any  circumstances  feel 
slighted,  or  that  she  has  not  been  paid  proper  respect  by  an- 
other member,  if,  not  having  called — though  extremely  cor- 
dial feelings  may  have  been  manifested  at  the  club — she  is 
not  included  among  her  invited  club  and  other  guests? 

Should  a  thus  socially  delinquent  officer,  director  or  club 
member,  after  being  left  out  of  such  an  occasion,  hasten  to 
call,  as  if  to  make  amends,  or  would  she  thereby  appear  to 
be  courting  favor  for  future  functions? 

In  a  general  desire  for  unbroken  harmony  and  unaninjity 
can  club  members  afford  to  let  the  calling  question,  witIT  its 
intricate  disturbances,   come  between  them? 

2.  THE  QUESTION  OF  NAMES. 

Is  the  use  of  a  hyphen  in  a  woman's  name  ever  ad- 
visable, and  are  not  two  hyphens  quite  undesirable? 

Under  how  many  names  should  a  club  woman  properly  be 
known,  and  which  of  several  is  it  in  the  best  taste  for  her 
to   choose? 

Is  it  in  good  form  for  a  club  woman  who  was  not  known 
as  a  writer,  singer  or  artist  under  her  maiden  name,  to  use 
it  with  her  husband's  surname  unless  she  is  a  widow? 

In  signing  a  club  constitution  should  not  a  woman  always 
use  her  husband's  name,  placing  her  full  maiden  name  in 
brackets  opposite? 

Is  it  not  unpardonably  rude  for  any  woman — unless  known 
to  be  weak-minded^ — to  persistently  forget  the  names  of  her 
club  acquaintances,  and  have  to  ask  them  more  than  twice 
when  she  attempts  to  introduce  them? 

3.     THE  QUESTION  OF  MANNERS. 

Are  club  officers  or  members,  however  busy  in  the  man- 
agement of  club  details,  excusable  for  being  so  pre-occupied 


8  SYNOPTICAL  QUESTIONS. 

as  to  fail  in  the  common  courtesies  of  social  life;  i.  e.,  passing 
each  other  without  greetings ;  inattentive  when  approached ; 
indifferent  in  manner  toward  those  less  busy,  and  to  those 
more  sensitive,  and  somewhat  cold  and  overbearing  toward 
those  who  are  inexperienced  in  club  work? 

Does  not  a  club  itself  lose  much  in  general  good  cheer 
and  harmony  when  its  leaders  neglect  the  minor  every-day 
courtesies,  even  if  they  are  known  to  be  kind  and  polite  when 
not  too  much  pre-occupied? 

Are  not  club  members  more  kind,  more  cordial  and  more 
politely  tolerant  than  the  same  proportion  of  the  ubiquitous 
Four  Hundred  non-members? 

Ought  not  clubs  devoted  to  the  various  lines  of  culture, 
education  and  general  advancement  of  women,  think  more 
seriously  of  what  constitutes  true  etiquette  in  all  their  rela- 
tions ? 

In  the  co-operation  of  club  work,  have  not  women  finally 
lost  sight  of  many  of  the  positive  and  very  delicate  rules  of 
etiquette  that  their  grandmothers  lived  up  to? 

Is  it  best  or  not  for  club  women  to  ignore  the  old  forms 
of  etiquette  to  an  extent  that  would  astonish  their  ancestors? 

4.    THE   QUESTION   OF  JUSTICE  AND    COURTESY. 

Do  women  in  clubs  generally  base  their  treatment  of  each 
other  on  ideas  of  courtesy  and  justice? 

Upon  whose  particular  merit  does  a  club  woman  stand — 
her  own  or  her  husband's? 

Should  the  possession  of  wealth  have  as  much  influence 
as  it  does  in  the  prestige  or  social  standing  of  club  members? 

Should  a  club  woman  carry  her  ideas  of  courtesy  so  far 
as  to  refuse  a  nomination  for  the  Federation  Presidency  be- 
cause the  Biennial  is  being  held  in  her  city? 

As  a  matter  of  justice  and  courtesy  should  not  the  gen- 
erally over-worked  secretary  of  the  average  club  be  paid  more 
attention  in  a  definite  social  way,  and  given  more  prestige 
among  the  officers  and  among  the  members  than  she  usually 
commands  ? 

Should  not  the  newspaper  women,  and  girl  reporters  of 
club  events  and  club  life  as  a  whole,  be  taken  more  into  fel- 
lowship, as  a  matter  of  confidence,  appreciation  and  sympa- 
thetic politeness? 

Has  not  club  life  had  a  wonderfully  broadening  influence 
upon  women,  teaching  them  to  despise  such  traits  as  envy 
and  petty  jealousy,  and  to  take  unselfish  delight  in  the  general 
good? 

Does  not  the  highest  courtesy  seem  to  consist  in  a  call  of 
some  kind? 


WHA  T  MEN   HA  VE   SAID 


"It  is  easy  to  see  that  what  is  called  by  distinction  society  and 
fashion,  has  good  laws  as  well  as  bad,  has  much  that  is  necessary 
and   much   that   is   absurd." — Bmerson. 

"It  is  a  whim  of  Mrs.  Grundy's,  who  is  all  whimsey." 

— George    William    Curtis. 

"To  grasp  this  scheme  of  things  entire 

Would  we  not  better  shatter  it  to  bits — and  then 

Re-mould  it   nearer   to   the   Heart's   Desire?" 

— Omar   Khayyam. 

"Some  to   the   fascination  of  a   name 

Surrender    judgment    hoodwink'd."  — Cowper, 

"Where   can   you   buy   good  taste? 
That   can    not   be   manufactured.     «     *     *     * 

It  is  much  harder  to  get  the  good  taste  than  the  means  to  gratify  it." 

— Wm.    C.   Gannett. 

"It  is  astonishing  what  an  effect  is  i)roduced  by  some  human  beings 
of  the  tender  sex  by  clothing  them  in  silks  cut  in  a  certain  form,  and 
seating  them  in  a  high  wooden  box  on  yellow  wheels." — George  William 

Curtis. 

"Her  address  and  manners  were  grave,  dignified  and  severely 
regulated  by  the  rules  of  etiquette  *  *  *  *  And  yet  with  all 
these  qualities  to  excite  respect,  she  was  seldom  mentioned  in  the 
terms   of   love   or   affection." — Scott. 

"And   all   her   bearing   gracious."      — Tennyson. 

"She  was  highly  accomplished;  yet  she  had  not  learned  to  sub- 
stitute  the  gloss  of  politeness   for  the  reality   of  true   feeling." — Scott. 

" the  motive  powers  that  mould  to  the  sweet  graces  of  courtesy 

and  enrich   with  the  noble  virtues  of  womanhood  root  in  kindness." — 
Joseph  Henry   Crooker. 


TALKING 


I.     WAITING   FOR   THE^   TEA 

"The  tea  was  served  out  of  a  majestic  delft  tea-pot,  ornamented 
with  paintings  of  fat  little  Dutch  shepherds  and  shepherdesses  tending 
pigs — with  boats  sailing  in  the  air,  and  houses  built  in  the  clouds,  and 
sundry    other    ingenious    Dutch    fantasies." — Washington    Irving. 

II.   ovKR  the:  tka  cups 

"Talking  is  like  playing  at  a  mark  with  the  pipe  of  an  engine; 
if  it  is  within  reach,  and  you  have  time  enough,  you  can't  help  hit- 
ting it." — Holmes. 

III.  RBPIyl^NISHING   the:   TEA 

"But  remember  that  talking  is  one  of  the  fine  arts;  the  noblest, 
the  most  important  and  the  most  difficult — and  that  its  fluent  har- 
monies may  be  spoiled  by  the  intrusion  of  a  single  harsh  note.  *  *  ♦  * 

IV.  THE   TEA  GROWS   COIyD 

"The  whole  course  of  conversation  depends  on  how  much  you  take 
for  granted —  *  *  *  especially  when  they  are  good-natured,  and 
expansive,  as  they  are  apt  to  be  at  table." — Oliver  Wendell  Holmes, 
"Autocrat   of  the  Breakfast   Table." 

V.     TEA-GROUND  FORTUNES 

In  the  course  of  a  conversation  between  a  club  woman  and 
a  non-member  many  questions  arose,  some  of  which  were  only 
partially  answered  by  them  until  its  close,  when  a  new  system 
of  calling  was  outlined — ^and  one  which  seems  fitted  to  greatly 
simplify  the  social  life  of  club-goers  and  club-workers. 


CLUB    ETIQUETTE 

CONVKRSATION     BETWEEN      A      CI^UB      WOMAN 
AND      A      NON-MEMBER 


WAITING    FOR     THE     TEA, 

"Have  all  those  women  called  upon  you?" 

"What  women?" 

"Those  club  women  who  received  with  you  recently." 

"Oh,  you  mean  when  I  entertained  in  honor  of  Mrs.  Jane 
Smith-Brownwell-Greenaway-Old." 

"Yes ;  but  why  call  her  by  so  many  names  ?" 

"Because  she  prefers  it.  Of  course  it  is  an  exaggerated 
case.  But  like  many  other  women,  she  doesn't  want  any  of 
her  earlier  personality  to  be  effaced." 

"No;  there  is  a  subtle  suggestion  that  she  desires  each 
phase  to  be  emphasized." 

"I  knew  her  first  as  Jane  Smith." 

"Without  the  two-story  annexes?  What  a  refreshingly 
simple  name — so  unpretentious,  so  easily  spoken  and  remem- 
bered !" 

"Like  all-  other  Smiths  she  must  have  had  a  solicitous 
respect  for  it." 

"Undoubtedly;  or  she  would  have  dropped  it  forever  after 
becoming  Mrs.  Brownwell.  Probably  she  was  a  talented  Jane 
Smith.  Carlyle  asks  and  answers  this  question — "The  talent 
that  can  say  nothing  for  itself,  what  is  it  ?    Nothing,' " 

^  "Oh,  yes,  her  names  must  all  seem  to  her  to  mean  some- 
thing worth  while.  She  has  been  twice  widowed,  and  then 
married  again." 

"And  in  the  different  places  where  she  has  lived,  I  venture 
to  say  she  has  always  been  a  prominent  club  woman." 

"She  certainly  has." 

"It  is  for  that  reason,  then,  and  not  on  account  of  children, 
or  loyalty  to  their  respective  fathers,  that  she  wishes  all  her 
names  to  be  used.  She  fears  the  irreparable  loss  of  a  con- 
solidated club-identity." 

"Presumably." 

"Being  yourself  a  well-known  clubbist,  with  always  the — 
let   us   hope — very   remote   possibility   of   losing  your   present 


12  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

name,  which  stands  for  compound  executive  ability  and  so- 
cial decorum " 

"Oh,  does  it?" 

"Yes;  always  the  liability  of  your  creditable  name  being 
entirely  changed,  owing  to  the  uncertainties  of  life  on  the 
part  of  another  half  (don't  look  s*o  startled  and  skeptical,  my 
dear),  or  of  numerous  other  halves  in  the  course  of  long 
years  to  come,  you  try  to  imagine  yourself  in  the  place  of 
Mrs.  Old." 

"Please  don't  call  her  that.  Say  at  least  Mrs.  Greenaway 
Old,  or " 

"And  you  decide  that  it  is  in  perfectly  good  taste  to  fondly 
cling  to  all  the  good  names  by  which  she  has  been  known — 
such  being  the  immediate  jewels  of  her  soul." 

"And  why  not,  if  it  pleases  her?" 

"You  think  it  a  matter  of  both  courtesy  and  justice,  on  the 
part  of  others  to  employ  all  the  hyphens  she  does." 

"Yes — because  her  feelings  are  more  or  less  injured  if  a 
single  one  happens  to  be  omitted." 

"Then  you  may  be  quite  right  in  helping  her  to  perpetuat^e, 
for  herself,  an  unbroken  chain  of  associations.  The  public 
recklessly  severs  such  links ;  it  naturally  sees  a  person  as  she 
is  now,  and  not  as  she  was  before.  We  might  philosophize 
about  over-estimating  the  historic  value  of  varied  strata  in 
women's  names.  However,  in  these  cases  of  cherished  maiden 
names  and  talented  marriage  names,  among  club  women,  it 
may  be  satisfactory  to  go  on  hyphenating — if  that  is  one  of 
their  sensitive  points." 

"I'm  glad  to  hear  you  say  so,  for  sometimes  it  is.  But  I 
should  never  care  to  be  known  by  more  than  one  name  myself, 
or  I  mean  by  one  husband's  name." 

"Neither  should  I,  though  it  is  quite  proper  for  a  club 
woman  to  mildly  insist  upon  as  many  husbands'  names — and 
as  many  husbands — as  she  can  legitimately  claim." 

"A  superfluity  of  hyphens  suggests  a  prodigious  facility  for 
marrying,  doesn't  it?" 

"What  if  your  friend  should  hear  that  insinuating  re- 
mark?" 

"She  would  know  I  only  attempted  to  be  slightly  facetious." 

"As  much  as  club  women  respect  each  others'  most  pecu- 
liar whims  and  little  foibles,  .there  are  moments,  I  suppose, 
when  loyalty  is  flexible." 

"Oh,  yes,  among  intimates,  and  in  conversations  like  ours." 

"Slyly  poking  fun  at  each  other  is  quite  permissible  in 
clubs,  I've  noticed.  Now  let  us  take  up  what  perhaps  you 
would  refer  to  as  the  'main  m.otion.'  I  use  the  expression 
as  unintelligently  as  if  it  were  Greek.  But  it  concerns 
women's  signatures." 


WAITING   FOR   THE    TEA.  13 

"Very  well;  it  gives  me  a  chance  to  admit  that,  in  spite 
of  being  called  a  stickler  for  the  proprieties,  and  while  wishing 
to  avoid  treating  any  other  woman's  idea  as  a  peccadillo,  I  am 
quite  attached  to  a  certain  ancient  bias — and  wish  all  club 
women  were." 

"For  instance?" 

"I  like  the  old  fashion  of  a  woman's  merging  her  identity 
into  that  of  her  hiisiband  when  it  comes  to  names.  Let  her  be 
known  as  Mrs.  James  Young  while  her  husband  lives.  After 
his  death  she  can  be  Mrs.  Mabel  Pratt  Young." 

"Which  shows  that  she  has  become  a  widow." 

"Yes." 

"In  other  words  you  would  have  a  married  person,  of  the 
non-self-assertive  kind,  hold  her  maiden  name  in  abeyance, 
never  bringing  it  to  public  view  unless  it  proclaimed  widow- 
hood ?" 

"Exactly;  and  in  all  cases  it  would  imply  or  proclaim 
widowhood." 

"How  about  famous  writers,  artists  and  singers?" 

"As  such  they  should  keep  for  all  public  use  during  their 
lives  the  names  first  employed,  attaching  no  other;  thus  being 
fair  to  themselves  in  the  matter  of  reputation  and  not  con- 
fusing those  who  seek  them  in  catalogues,  etc.  But  even 
one  of  these  famous  persons  should,  in  private  life  or  in 
joining  a  club,  use  her  husband's  name.  It  is  quite  a  different 
thing  for  she  is  then  seen  and  known  as  a  personal  entity, 
or  she  is  of  no  importance  in  the  club.  It  is  not  what  she 
writes,  or  what  fame  she  acquires  as  a  singer,  or  what  pic- 
tures she  paints  that  stamp  her  as  a  club  woman.  It  is  her 
membership,  pure  and  simple,  and  her  local  habitation  is  of 
special  interest.  In  the  directory  she  is  found  by  her  hus- 
band's name  if  it  is  known.  There  are  many,  many  reasons 
why  a  club  woman  should  identify  her  nam.e  with  that  of  her 
husband." 

"You  and  I  seem  to  agree  on  certain  ultimata.  We  reach 
conclusions  without  argument,  taking  much  for  granted.  You 
spoke  of  Mrs.  James  Young,  which  appellation  means  that 
Mr.  Young  still  exists  in  the  flesh." 

"Yes;  and  that  he  is  entitled  to  the  credit  of  paying  all 
his  wife's  club  dues." 

"Even  if  she  has  a  private  bank  account  and  pays  them  out 
of  her  own  pocket !" 

"And  that  he  gallantly  presents  her  with  scores  of  club 
and  federation  pins." 

"Even  if  he  secretly  thinks  that  her  large  collection  is 
extravagant,  and  that  her  'pin-money,'  literally,  is  spent  on 
very  ugly  little  orn?ments !" 


14  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

"Wie  club  women  think  them  all  pretty." 

"No,  my  dear,  you  only  think  you  ought  to  think  them 
pretty;  as  several  committees  have  evolved  them,  and  a  spe- 
cial committee  accepted  them  for  you,  you  must  praise  them 
or  wound  somebody's  feelings,  even  if  it  takes  a  magnifying 
glass  to  decipher  the  monograms ;  and  the  colors  on  these 
insignia  never  do  blend  with  your  waists,  neck-ribbons  and 
hats.  Pardon  me,  won't  you?  I  know  that  they  are  precious 
emblems,  and  whether  worn  upside-down,  or  crosswise,  or 
placed  as  far  away  from  other  conflicting  colors  as  possible, 
and  half  hidden  in  filmy  laces,  they  bespeak  loyalty  to  a  club, 
and  fealty  to  the  federation  idea." 

"An  idea  which  is  most  worthy,  and  which  you,  a  non- 
club  friend  of  mine,  treat  very  indulgently,  however  coyly." 

"I  can  merely  guess  at  many  things,  being  an  outsider. 
I've  noticed  that  a  group  of  tri-colored  club  pins  always  looks 
well  on  black;  that  there  are  apt  to  be  many  rnourning  cos- 
tumes which  they  somewhat  hesitatingly  embellish;  and  that 
they  are  worn  timidly  by  the  bereaved,  several  of  whom  in 
fresh  weeds,  are  always  among  your  members." 

"Oh,  that  is  easily  accounted  for.  They  must  observe  the 
proprieties  very  carefully." 

"Yes;  for  the  first  few  months." 

"And  it  is  not  considered  correct  to  go  anywhere  at  all 
but  to  clubs,  which  they  may  hasten  to  join,  and  which  they 
can  properly  attend  right  along." 

"How  much  better  it  is  for  them,  too,  than  being  housed, 
and  isolated,  and  brooding  alone  upon  their  sorrows.  You 
club  women  get  themi  to  write  papers  on  Egyptian  Art,  or 
the  Preservation  of  Forests,  or  set  them  to  studying  deep 
questions  in  economies',  and  it  proves  a  helpful  and  wholesome 
diversion  for  them." 

"I  believe  you  more  and  more  appreciate  the  inestimable 
value  of   our  organizations." 

"Yes?    Well — perhaps." 

"What  are  you  smiling  about  now?" 

"I  was  thinking  again  of  these  cases  of  elongated  names, 
and  of  Mrs.  Kitty  Katz  Dogberry,  the  lively  young  widow 
who  has  lately  entered  clubdom." 

"The  chances  are  that  she  will  become  an  officer,  or  be 
put  on  the  Executive  Board." 

"Yes,  and  hate  to  drop  the  name  of  Dogberry  when,  by  and 
by,  she  marries  Mr.  Sparrowhawk.  Here,  you  see,  may  arise 
a  hazardous  hyphen  temptation." 

"I  see ;  yes.  But  how  can  this  matter  of  women's  names  be 
better  managed?" 

"How  indeed^ — if  you  club  women  do  not  take  it  up?" 


WAITING  FOR   THE    TEA.  15 

"I  wish  you  would  join  us  and  engage  in  our  discussions. 
You  would  excel  in  debating.  One  of  the  essentials  is  to 
have  an  idea  to  express  as  a  matter  of  prime  importance,  and 
the  manner  is  not  to  be  disregarded.  According  to  our  man- 
uals we  may  indulge  in  sarcasm,  quiet  innuendo,  or  quick  re- 
tort, if  we  have  the  skill  to  do  so  without  being  personal." 

"Have  I  'the  floor'  on  this  subject  of  what  a  woman  shall 
call  herself  or  be  called?    I  have  something  more  to  say." 

"You  have  the  floor,  and  the  sofa,  and  the  sofa  pillows — 
all  but  the  white  satin  one,  which  it  is  not  proper  for  guests 
to  lean  against  or  put  their  heads  on!" 

"That  would  be  in  as  bad  form  as  to  indulge  in  person- 
alities." 

"Proceed — about  names." 

"Verily,  a  -woman's  personal  identity  is  in  a  precarious 
state  at  all  times.  She  loses  it  in  youth,  and  very  willingly, 
too,  when  her  first  lover  bestows  a  new  name  to  take  the 
place  of  the  one  familiar,  and  endeared  to  her  friends.  It  is 
only  when  so  many  sad  changes  come  into  her  life,  and  she 
is  baffled  in  her  purpose  to  walk  down  the  years  with  one  true 
and  tried  companion,  whose  name  she  meant  to  bear  until 
the  end  of  her  own  career;  and  then,  perhaps  baffled  again, 
and  yet  again,  that  she  is  puzzled  and  perplexed  as  to  whom 
she  really  is.  It  is  not  so  with  a  man.  He  is  the  same 
from  the  beginning;  and  can  hardly  understand  the  shifted 
selfhood  that  altered  names  suggest  sometimes  to  a  woman. 
Men  often  smile  and  become  amusingly  jocular  about  a 
woman  who  signs  her  many  names  to  club  essays.  They  pity 
her,  too,  sometimes,  when  on  her  business  papers,  they  see 
her  sign  names  that  she  uses  only  when  she  has  to,  and  leaves 
out  when  she  can,  as  if  she  would  gladly  forget  some 
phases  of  an  up-springing,  buried  identity.  And,  always,  men 
deny  the  propriety  of  hyphens,  and  remark,  *A  club  woman  of 
course.' " 

"But  oh,  how  nice  and  considerate  club  women  are  to  each 
other  about  all  these  things.     Haven't  you  noticed  it?" 

"I  must  admit  that  they  do  help  keep  alive  each  other's 
fads  wonderfully.  Their  adaptiveness  to  the  idiosyncrasies  of 
their  club  associates  is  to  me — an  outsider — a  most  pleasing 
spectacle." 

"You  may  laugh  a  little,  but  really  our  club  women  try 
to  base  all  their  treatment  of  one  another  on  ideas  of  cour- 
tesy and  justice — as  you  suggested." 

"Perhaps  many  of  them  do.  I  know  you  do.  But  I  am 
sure  some  are  quite  heedless.  And,  if  there  is  any  such  thing 
as  club  etiquette,  it  often  seems  to  me  a  pitiful  and  artificial 
contrivance." 

"You  speak  very  earnestly." 


i6  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

"It  is  because  I  am  a  close  and  most  interested  observer 
of  all  the  details  of  social  life.  Not  being  a  club  member  I 
endeavor  to  avoid  narrowness,  or  the  hypercritical  spirit, 
when  I  see  what  seems  to  be  a  lack  of  consistency,  or  a  failure 
in  justice  and  courtesy,  in  the  realms  of  club  society." 

"Yes,  I  know  you  do.  I've  always  liked  to  take  you  and 
certain  others  on  guest-days,  because,  when  the  program  is 
not  quite  as  attractive  as  expected  by  us,  or  the  piano  is  out 
of  tune;  or  Miss  Lily  Lark  has  such  a  cold  that  when  she 
sings  'Hark,  Hark  the  Lark'  you  wish  you  did  not  have  to; 
or  when  the  one  event  planned,  a  lecture  on  Current  Events, 
is  indefinitely  postponed,  and  one  on  the  Dark  Ages  is  sub- 
stituted, these  very  polite,  if  disappointed,  non-members  say 
such  pleasant  things  about  the  club-house  acoustics,  or  the 
President's  new  feather  boa,  ignoring  all  that  has  made  me 
so  extremely  nervous  and  uncomfortable.  Yes ;  I  like  to 
take  you,  and  others,  and  I  enjoy  thinking  that  you  enjoy  it 
all,  whether  you  do  or  not." 

"Ah,  but  we  non-members  do.  And  club  hospitality 
should  never  be  abused.  It  is  one  of  the  most  agreeable 
phases  of  woman's  social  kingdom  nowadays,  and  some  of  the 
loveliest  women  hold   sway  in  it." 

"And  still  you  remain  a  non-member." 

"I  have  many  reasons.  And  I  could  give  you,  sometimes, 
rather  unflattering  impressions,  if  you  would  promise  to  par- 
don me  and  still  invite  me,  occasionally  to  the  clubs." 

"The  fact  that  you  v>^ant  to  go  is  gratifying.  We  all 
delight  in  our  privileges  on  guest  days.  But  don't  hesitate  to 
tell  me  what  you  think  of  us.  If  we  err  in  any  important 
rules  of  conduct  we  ought  to  reform  at  once." 

"Err?  Oh,  it  isn't  that  alone.  But  you  flagrantly  violate 
them ;  you  set  them  at  defiance." 

"Of  course  all  club  women  are  fettered  and  bound  by 
parliamentary  laws  in  the  transaction  of  business." 

"I  know  nothing  about  them,  but  I  do  know  about  ordi- 
nary rules  of  conduct." 

"And  you  think  women  disregard  them  at  the  clubs?" 

"Both  at  the  clubs  and  in  their  social  affairs,  which  reflect 
club  life  more  or  less.  For  there  is  a  close  connection,  after 
all,  between  what  used  to  be  known  as  the  Four  Hundred, 
and  the  several  hundred  club  women  who  are  recognized 
chiefly  as  such,  but  many  of  whom  figure  in  both  circles." 

"Yes,  I  notice  that  more  and  more." 

"While  the  so-called  society  woman  often  looks  askance  at 
the  conspicuously  zealous  club  woman,  the  latter  likes  to  pose 
in  the  two  roles.  A  student  of  the  times,  or  an  inconsequen- 
tial social  censor  like  myself,  often  viewing  others  as  a  critical 
spectator,  sees  in  all  this  a  decided  etiquette  interregnum." 


WAITING  FOR   THE   TEA.  17 

"That  is,  a  suspension  of  the  forms  required  by  good 
breeding.  What  a  predicament!  Women's  clubs  are  not,  I 
hope,  responsible  for  it." 

"To  a  large  extent  they  are,  for  it  is  the  result  of  many 
changes  going  on  in  the  world  of  women — American  women 
more  essentially." 

"As  for  the  social  intercourse  of  our  club  women,  I  have 
supposed  they  were  governed  by  general  and  conventional 
ideas  of  decorum." 

"Haven't  you  noticed  that  the  ordinary  rules  do  not  always 
apply  ?" 

"I  may  have  done  so  sometimes,  half-consciously.  Ah, 
here's  the  tea." 

"Two  lumps ;  thank  you ;  yes,  I  take  cream  sometimes ; 
lemon  occasionally;  very  often  nothing;  just  follow  my 
mood.  Tea  is  a  delightful  but  perplexing  beverage;  too 
weak  it  is  insipid  and  inspires  no  animation;  too  strong  it 
induces  gigantic  sleeplessness." 

"Is  that  so?  I  always  take  mine  clear,  and  I  like  it  very 
strong." 

"You  need  it  that  way  as  a  club  woman,  perhaps — to 
keep  you  going." 

"I  always  have  it  at  this  hour.    But  proceed." 


II 

OVER    THE    TEA    CUPS. 

"Now  let  us  take  up  the  previous  question,  as  I  suppose 
you  club  women  would  term  it.  At  least  I  asked  it  pre- 
viously." 

"I  have  forgotten  what  it  was." 

"I  beg  your  pardon,  but  have  all  those  women  who  re- 
ceived with  you  called  upon  you?" 

"Why " 

"I  don't  mean  to  be  unduly  inquisitive.  I  ask  for  infor- 
mation concerning  club  etiquette,  or  possibly,  as  yet,  an  un- 
written law.  I  know  that  the  parties  mentioned  have  all  lived 
here  longer  than  you  and  I  have." 

"And  haven't  they  called  upon  you?" 

"None  of  them;  and  of  course  I,  not  being  a  club  woman, 
would  not  for  a  moment  think  of  asking  them  to  any  of  my 
functions,  or  to  pay  me  the  honor  of  receiving  with  me." 

"I— I— they " 

"Pray  don't  blush  so,  my  dear.  I  know  that  D'ickens 
says  the  word  'dear'  among  women  is  synonymous  with 
'wretch,'  but  I  use  it  affectionately." 

"Yes ;   I  am  sure  you  do." 

"And  I  must  again  beg  pardon  for  confusing  you." 

"Let  me  say  that  I  have  my  husband,  and  he  is  not  de- 
pendent upon  other  men  at  all.  No,  I  don't  mean  that;  for 
no  man  is  independent.  But  he  is  very  wealthy,  as  you 
know." 

"You  mean  that  your  motives  were  of  the  best — no  *axes 
to  grind' — in  common  parlance." 

"We  keep  horses  and  carriages,  and  have  double  and  single 
automobiles,  and  a  billiard  table,  and  everything  that  makes 
life  pleasant  for  others  as  well  as  ourselves;  our  home  is 
said  to  be  palatial ;  adapted  to  large  entertainments,  and^ — 
most  people  seem  to  feel  it  an  honor  to  be  invited  to  it." 

"You  don't  say  that  you  have  or  have  not  invited  women 
who  have  not  called.  You  can  hardly  forgive  me  for  caus- 
ing you  this  embarrassment.  And  I  don't  forget  the  warning 
that  Holmes  gave  over  the  coffee  cups  at  the  breakfast  table." 

"What  was  the  warning?" 

"He  told  his  listeners  not  to  flatter  themselves  that  friend- 
ship authorized  them  to  say  disagreeable  things  to  their  inti- 
mates. 'On  the  contrary,'  he  said,  'the  nearer  you  come  into 
a  relation  with  a  person,  the  more  necessary  do  tact  and 
courtesy  become.' " 


OVER    THE    TEA    CUPS.  19 

"But  in  this  conversation  you  speak  chiefly  as  a  non-club 
member,  and  you  have  thus  far  succeeded  in  doing  so  as  tact- 
fully and  politely  as  any  fair-minded  club  woman  could 
wish." 

"You  are  very  generous  to  say  so." 

"Am  I?  Let  your  quotation  from  the  genial  autocrat — 
who  was  always  right — be  supplemented  by  mine  from  the 
magnanimous  Concord  oracle, — *Be  as  generous  to  your  friend 
as  to  a  picture/  he  said.  He  would  have  me  always  give  her 
the  benefit  of  a  good  light." 

"Thank  you;  my  defective  and  seemingly  harsh  speech, 
then,  is  to  be  softened  by  the  mellow  rays  of  your  tolerant 
attention." 

"I  can  promise  that,  at  least." 

"And  I  am  sure  that  you  will  not,  by  and  by,  misunder- 
stand me,  if  I  have  carried  my  frankness  a  little  farther  for 
once  than  the  very  closest  friends  ordinarily  ought  to." 

"You  are  one  of  those  who  would  not  ask  personal  ques- 
tions unless  you  had  some  very  good  reason." 

"I  have  a  reason,  I  assure  you,  and,  for  a  non-club  woman, 
rather  a  peculiar  one." 

"I  wonder  what  it  can  be.  Perhaps  I've  been  criticised — 
and  even  by  the  women  themselves  for  inviting  them !" 

"No,  dear;  nothing  of  that  kind  has  reached  me.  And  if 
such  criticisms  had,  I  should  not  tell  you." 

"No,  you  would  be  too  considerate.  I  will  own  to  you, 
honestly,  that  my  pride  in  my  receiving  party  was  somewhat 
marred  by  the  fact  that  they  had  not  all  called  upon  me." 

"Just  as  I  suspected." 

"My  retrospective  pleasure  in  the  event,  which  was  de- 
scribed in  the  papers  as  so  brilliant,  has  also  been  marred 
by  the  fact  that  none  of  them  have  called  since." 

"Just  as  I  had  guessed." 

"But  surely  they  ought  to  have  done  so,  and  before  this, 
as  a  matter  of " 

"Club  etiquette?     I  don't  know." 

"Neither  do  I — ^but  I  should  feel  better,  you  know." 

"Yes;  you  are  imbued  with  traditional  ideas  of  politeness. 
It  is  difficult  to  shake  off  all  of  them,  even  if  you  did  rid 
yourself  of  a  few." 

"Yes;  I  learned  several  years  ago  that  club  women  could 
not  be  over-scrupulous  in  certain  matters  of  formality.  It 
would  spoil  many  pleasant  relations.  But  your  mind  is  wan- 
dering." 

"How  can  you  tell?" 

"By  your  looks  and  the  way  you  balance  your  tea-spoon, 
on  the  edge  of  your  cup." 


20  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

"I  was  thinking  that  perhaps  you  were  wondering  if,  after 
all,  the  two  gracious  and  popular  club  presidents,  and  the 
four  or  five  charming  members  of  boards  of  directors  whom 
you  asked,  so  kindly,  were  not  the  obliging  and  condescend- 
ing parties." 

"Yes — in  their  own  estimation.  And  my  conclusions  are 
vague." 

"Isn't  it  too  bad  that  you  can  not,  for  your  personal 
solace  and  support,  quote  any  authorities  for  doing  what  you 
no  doubt  slightly  hesitated  to  do?" 

"It  is;  as  I  now  almost  painfully  confess.  I  did  not  act 
without  a  precedent.  Others  have  done  the  same.  But  it 
seems  to  me  that  they,  too,  might  have  had  private  com- 
punctions, followed  by  secret  questionings  like  mine." 

"Indeed  they  have.  Many  a  club  woman,  though  trying 
to  hide  it,  has  been  made  morbid  and  miserable  for  a  whole 
month  or  more  at  a  time,  thinking  of  these  derelictions,  which 
occur  so  often.     Outside  of  clubs  they  are  inexcusable." 

"Inside  of  clubs  one  doesn't  know  whether  they  are  justi- 
fiable or  not;  and  must  embrace  experimental  theories.  Now 
I  can  only  say  in  self-defense  that  I  asked  those  women  be- 
cause they  were  leaders  in  clubs,  and  because  my  husband's 
position  was  such  that  (on  account  of  his  wealth,  I  mean) 
they  could  not  fail  to  place  me  where  I  belong  and  would — 
would " 

"Understand,  yes;  these  things  are  taken  for  granted  in 
society,  and  especially,  it  seems  to  me  nowadays,  among 
club  women.  The  modern  club  woman  cares  more  for  the 
associations  of  luxury  and  affluence  than  she  does  for  those 
of  merely  intellectual  and  social  refinement.'* 

"Do  you  think  so?" 

"I  know  it.  There  must  be  not  only  talent  but  money. 
I'm  not  the  proper  person  to  blame  women  for  liking  the 
comlbination  that  makes  a  successful  club  woman.  For  I 
like  it,  too.  I  am  sinfully  partial  to  palatial  houses,  and 
handsome  Worth  gowns,  with  silk  linings,  and  I  think  the 
leading  clubbists  all  ought  to  wear  silk  petticoats  trimmed 
elaborately  with  real  lace!" 

"You  do,  really?" 

"Indeed  yes;  for  they  have  more  influence.  A  club 
woman  is  often  put  upon  a  reception  committee  merely  be- 
cause she  can  dress  decollete  without  catching  cold;  or  be- 
cause she  has  a  carriage  that  will  hold  all  the  other  women 
who  haven't  one." 

"These  things  certainly  count.  But  you,  as  a  non-member, 
are  only  generalizing." 

"Yes;  that  is  all.    Again  I  am  reminded  of  something  said 


OVER    THE    TEA    CUPS.  21 

by  Holmes  in  that  little  book,  which  has  been  the  pet  of  so 
many,  because  it  voices  their  innermost  leanings." 

"We  all  have  leanings  and  we  like  to  see  them  phenom- 
enally considered.  You  were  about  to  quote  something  il- 
lustrative ?" 

"Oh,  yes ;  the  autocrat  said :  *I  go  for  the  man  with  the 
gallery  of  portraits  against  the  one  with  the  twenty-five  cent 
daguerrotype,  unless  I  find  out  that  the  last  is  the  better  of 
the  two.' " 

"And  you  have  observed,  from  the  outside  of  clubs,  that 
those  inside  have  an  innermost  leaning  toward  the  women 
whose  husbands  are  rich,  unless  those  of  limited  means  are 
found  to  be  superior?" 

"I  have  not  observed  that  superiority  alone  avails  in 
women's  clubs.  I  have  repeatedly  seen  that  the  money  or 
position  of  a  woman's  husband  has  a  great  deal  to  do  with 
her  personal  power  in  the  manipulating  circles." 

"There  are  delicate  points  of  fitness,  and  of  harmony,  and 
even  policy,  that  are  never  openly  discussed  by  our  club 
members.     All  can  see  them." 

"I  will  be  duly  reticent,  too.  But  while  I  am  not  yet 
ready  to  express  an,  opinion  as  to  what  club  etiquette  or 
courtesy  is,  I  am  convinced  that  as  a  matter  of  justice  all 
club  women  should  stand  upon  their  individual  merits,  en- 
tirely regardless  of  their  husband's  character  or  position." 

"I  agree  with  you;  though  it's  a  fact  that  there  are  diffi- 
culties  " 

"Yes;   of  a  political  nature." 

"But  I  admit  that  a  woman  does  not  make  a  fine  pre- 
siding officer  merely  because  her  husband  is  president  of  a 
bee-keepers'  association — although  it  might  be  supposed  to 
aid  her  in  keeping  down  the  hum  and  the  buzzing." 

"You  caught  more  than  half  of  my  meaning.  But  I  was 
going  to  speak  only  of  the  influence  that  wealth  more  and 
more  has  upon  club  management  and  club  affairs." 

"I  agree  with  you  that  it  was  less  noticeable  a  few  years 
ago,  or  when  women's  clubs  were  first  started.  Nowadays 
perhaps  a  club  woman's  money,  or  her  husband's  money, 
may  give  her  undue  power." 

"Yes,  it  frequently  does.  She  manifests  a  spirit  of  as- 
sumption; dares  defy  conventionalities  that  another  woman — 
among  the  very  brightest,  best-balanced  and  capable — feels 
obliged  to  bravely  observe.  I  say  bravely  because  she,  too, 
must  often  want  to  break  through  the  traces,  and  trample 
upon  what  remains  of  established  etiquette." 

"What  you  say  is  absolutely  true.  I  surely  ought  to 
acknowledge  it,  for  I've  not  always  been  in  a  position  to  do 


22  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

what  I  now  can  in  entertaining.  I  was  a  school-teacher, 
earning  my  own  living  before  my  marriage,  and  at  that  time 
I  followed  most  rigidly  every  social  rule,  and  exacted  obedi- 
ence on  the  part  of  others.  But  now  all  is  different.  I  am 
under  a  new  regime.  I  should  hardly  know  what  to  say  to 
pupils  in  a  young  ladies'  seminary." 

"You  would  have  to  tell  them  that,  if  they  become  club 
women,  they  will  find  the  laws  of  propriety  capriciously  fluc- 
tuating!" 

"It  might  be  embarrassing  to  relate  my  own  somewhat 
recent  and  disturbing  experience." 

"About  those  women  not  calling?" 

"Yes,  and  to  explain  that  those  who  do  call  eventually — 
for  some  have  several  times  spoken  of  their  delay — will 
come  because  my  invitation  has  forced  a  call  as  a  matter  of 
etiquette,  which  was  not  made  from  choice  beforehand." 

"Rather  mixed,   isn't   it?" 

"And  all  because  they  are  older  residents,  who  should 
have  taken  the  initiative." 

"Perhaps  they  should  and  perhaps  they  shouldn^t.  Who 
knows?  In  accordance  with  club  etiquette  you  may  have  done 
just  the  proper  thing." 

"And  I  would  have  to  tell  girls  today  that  they  should 
read  and  re-read  Emerson's  essays  on  'Manners,'  'Behavior* 
and  'Social  Aims,'  which  I  do  think  might  help  all  women, 
whether  in  clubs  or  not,  far  more  than  any  etiquette  manuals 
to  understand  society,  and  adapt  themselves  to  its  change- 
able conditions." 

"Yes;  that  is  what  you  and  many  other  club  women  are 
trying  to  do — adapt  yourselves  to  changing  conditions." 

"But  are  we  doing  so  as  gracefully  and  as  happily  as  we 
might?  I  wish  my  way  could  be  made  a  little  clearer  some- 
times. My  club  impulses  are  restrained  by  conscious  fears 
that  members  may  think  if  I  do  things  out  of  the  usual  order, 
it  is  because  I  don't  know  any  better.  When  a  woman  has 
a  large  house  like  mine  it  seems  selfish  not  to  throw  it  open 
to  the  public,  or  the  club." 

"Ah,  if  you  had  done  that  instead  of  asking  only  a  few 
members   besides   the   leading   ones " 

"I  asked  all  the  private  members  who  had  called  upon 
me,  and  none  who  had  not.  I  asked  some  upon  whom  I  had 
meant  to  call,  but  had  not.  Then  I  hastened  to  call  upon 
the  latter  as  soon  as  possible  so  that  in  paying  their  reception 
call,  they  would  not  feel  as  if  I  were  putting  all  the  visiting 
upon  them." 

"I  should  think  you  would  feel  by  this  time  as  if  you  were 
worked  up  into  one  tense  interrogation  point — the  question  of 
calling." 


OVER    THE    TEA    CUPS.  23 

"I  must  say  I  do.  And  to  crown  it  all  I  had  one  hundred 
and  fifty  reception  calls  on  my  day  last  week,  which  made  the 
afternoon  strain  seem  like  a  miniature  edition  of  the  re- 
ception itself.  Some  women  do  not  think  it  necessary  to  call 
after  leaving  reception  cards,  and  some  do.  In  order  to  give 
another,  I  must  again  invite  many  whom  I've  not  called  upon 
in  the  meantime,  and  without  knowing  whether  they  resent 
it  or  are  pleased.  For  each  one  is  apt  to  think  that  a  hostess 
might  go  sometimes  to  see  her.  There  are  four  hundred  and 
fifty  names  on  my  visiting-list  now  whose  owners  ought  to 
be  seen  this  present  week." 

"All  whom  you  invited  had  not  entertained  you,  of 
course  ?" 

"No;  that  is  not  to  be  considered,  or  one  could  never 
give  large  affairs.  Reciprocity  is  not  expected.  But  bless 
your  heart,  you  give  almost  as  large  receptions  as  I  do.  You 
know  how  all  these  things  are  managed." 

"My  affairs  are  all  non-clubby  ones.  I  wish  to  get  a  con- 
census of  club  opinions." 

"I  must  qualify  my  remark  about  reciprocal  invitations. 
I  always  return  in  kind — a  luncheon  for  a  luncheon,  a  dinner 
for  a  dinner,  etc.,  excepting  among  club  women,  who  enter- 
tain me  several  times  or  I  them  several  times,  in  just  any  way 
it  happens,  without  thinking  which  owes  or  what  is  owed." 

"Is  that  so?  This  is  not  a  question.  It's  a  neutral  com- 
ment." 

"Why  neutral?" 

"I  was  wondering  if  you  club  women  were  not,  in  that 
manner,  sipping  some  of  the  quintessence  of  hospitality.  But 
really,  if  the  calling  question,  too,  could  resolve  itself  into  a 
*just-any- way-it-happens'  system;  and  you  didn't  have  to 
think  so  much  about  hackneyed  calling  proprieties,  how  re- 
lieved you  would  be." 

"I  think  all  club  women  would  like  to  see  some  fossils  of 
conservatism  removed.  But  of  course  there  are  instinctive 
laws  that  can  not  be  changed.  In  the  case  of  a  club  woman 
who  does  not  include  me  in  her  invitations,  if  she  entertains 
at  all;  or  in  that  of  one  who  accepts  right  along,  and  might 
manage  somehow  to  respond  in  at  least  some  simple  way, 
but  never  does,  I  draw  lines." 

"Certainly;  one  must  not  indulge  in  an  excess  of  hos- 
pitality. And  one  must  do  nothing  that  looks  like  deliberate 
presumption." 

"Still  there  are  lots  of  women  in  our  clubs  who  are  so 
attractive,  and  so  complacent,  that  they  are  asked  and  asked 
until  it  finally  dawns  upon  one  hostess  after  another  that  they 
are  not  deserving  of  so  many  invitations." 


24  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

"But  even  then  are  they  d'ropt)ed — or,  if  so,  do  they  come 
to  their  senses  and  begini  to  reciprocate?" 

"No;  hospitality  seems  to  be  horn,  not  made,  notably  in 
Southern  women,  who  enter  into  its  spirit,  and  do  what  they 
can,  whether  in  an  elaborate  or  simple  style.  The  social  shirks 
are  all  from  other  parts  of  the  country;  they  never  try  to 
meet  the  requirements.  But  when  they  are  dropped,  if  they 
have  fine  manners,  they  are  picked  up  again  by  the  hostesses, 
who  can,  after  all,  hardly  afford  to  leave  them;  out." 

"That  reminds  me  of  one  of  your  club  women  whose  in- 
come is  enormous;  who  never  entertains  at  all,  but  who  really 
goes  everywhere,  and  whom  every  one  wants  to  invite.  What 
is  the  explanation?" 

"In  the  first  place  she  makes-  multitudinous  calls.  She 
has  never  gotten  behind,  as  the  rest  of  us  have,  and  so  can 
always  seek  the  strangers.  She  has  no  special  at-home  day, 
but  every  one  is  a  miscellaneous  calling  day  with  her.  I've 
never  heard  of  a  club  member  who  has  gained  admittance  to 
her  house.  She  is  always  out  in  her  carriage  shopping  or 
calling,  when  not  at  the  club  or  attending  some  function.  To 
have  been  so  very  properly  called  upon  puts  all  her  hostesses 
of  the  past,  present  and  future  in  exceeding  good  humor." 

"Then  one  secret  of  her  continued  social  attentions,  when 
she  herself  does  not  reciprocate  in  kind,  is  that  she  keeps  the 
call  ball  perpetually  rolling?" 

"Oh,  yes;  my  call  ball  gets  lost  or  unwound  by  my  days  at 
home  and  other  interruptions,  but  hers  is  a  part  of  her  religion, 
and  her  social  salvation  depends  upon  its  unceasing  rotary 
motions." 

"I  venture  to  say  that  there  is  one  other  fundamental  rea- 
son for  her  being  so  much  sought  after." 

"Yes,  sihe  is  charming,  always  perfectly  charming,  in 
appearance  and  manners.  Sometimes  I  think  it's  the  way  a 
woman  acts,  rather  than  anything  she  does  that  counts  in 
society." 

"Perhaps  we  will  have  to  decide  that  Victor  Hugo  is  right 
when  he  says  that,  There  is  in  the  world  nO'  function  more 
important  than  being  charming.' " 

"We  might  change  it  a  little  by  saying  being  charmine 
and — making  calls." 

"Yes,  and  not  only  first  calls  but  incessant  exchanges  of 
calls,  without  which  an  indescribable  feeling,  almost  amounting 
to  a  subtle  antagonism,  is  created  among  women." 

"Very  true;  and  often  women,  too,  who  haven't  a  single 
thing  against  each  other.  But  we  club  women  overcome  this 
peculiar  mental  friction  sooner  than  you  society  women  do. 
There  is  a  pleasant  antidote  of  geniality,  quite  beyond  analysis, 


OVER    THE    TEA    CUPS.  25 

which  all  repeatedly  resort  to.  In  our  general  desire  for  un- 
broken harmony  and  unanimity,  we  can  hardly  afford  to  let 
the  calling  question,  with  its  intricate  disturbances,  come 
between  us." 

"You  certainly  are  more  kind,  more  cordial  and  more  tol- 
erant than  the  same  proportion  of  the  ubiquitous  Four  Hun- 
dred non-members  ever  even  aspires  to  be." 

"Possibly  we  surround  each  other  with  excusatory,  rather 
than   accusatory,   subjunctives." 

"Well  do  tell  me  about  them.  I  may  need  some  myself. 
What  are  excusatory  subjunctives?" 

"They  deal  with  the  might,  could,  would  or  should  ele- 
ments, and  create  an  atmosphere  of  wholesorne  trust.  A  club 
woman  gradually  acquires  a  slow  and  tentative  manner." 

"Why,  I  really  believe  she  does.     I  think  I've  noticed  it." 

"Yes;  she  meditates  philosophically,  and  reasons  out  all 
sorts  of  possibilities.  In  the  matter  of  calls  she  thinks  that 
all  the  women  who  serve  on  the  same  committees  with  her- 
self, might,  could,  would  or  should  have  been  on  her  visiting 
list,  if  only  the  many  complications  in  the  whirling  machinery 
of  club  and  social  life  had  allowed  cordial  mutual  inclinations 
to  be  acted  upon." 

"You  mean  that,  in  the  co-operation  of  club  work,  women 
have  finally  lost  sight  of  many  of  the  positive  and  very  deli- 
cate rules  of  etiquette  that  their  grandmothers  lived  up  to." 

"Yes ;  the  only  club  rules  of  etiquette  we  have  are  nega- 
tive ones.  Certain  social  'rules  of  procedure'  have  to  be 
taken  for  granted." 

"And  the  way  in  which  the  old  code  is  ignored,  a  new  one 
having  been  silently  but  boldly  substituted,  would  quite  shock 
your  grandmothers,  wouldn't  it?" 

"Naturally;  because  they  did  not  belong  to  clubs.  There 
were  none  to  join.  But  is  it  possible  that  clubs  have  had 
such  an  effect  upon  society  as  you  and  I,  in  this  conversation, 
seem  to  agree  they  have?  And  is  it  best  for  club  women  to 
ignore  the  old  forms  of  etiquette,  to  an  extent  that  would 
horrify  thousands   of  their  aristocratic  ancestors?" 

"Perhaps  it  is  best.  Wlho  knows?  You  seem  at  last  to 
be  on  the  point  of  guessing  what  I'm  aiming  at,  or  what  is  in 
my  mind.  For  my  part  I  would  like  to  see  some  system  of 
club  etiquette  formulated  for  the  social  life  of  a  club  woman, 
so  that  the  way  would  be  perfectly  clear,  and  she  could  be 
assured  of  the  propriety  or  impropriety  of  certain  methods  of 
procedure  in  connection  with  mingled  club  and  social  rela- 
tions." 

"Not  being  one  of  us  I'm  sure  that  is  most  disinterested. 
If  you  would  like  to  have  more  positive  knowledge  of  club 


26  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

etiquette,  think  how  much  more  sadly  I  need  it — so  as  to 
avoid  too  great  irreverence  for  the  theories  of  my  grand^ 
mother,  unless  time  and  change  have  made  them  untenable." 

"Regardless  of  Colonial  dames,  and  all  the  unfitness  of 
their  strict  rules  for  present  use  in  clubdom,  would  you  not 
welcome  anything  that  gave  you  more  authority  for  doing 
what,  you  confess,  only  lately  filled  you  with  doubt  and 
chagrin  ?" 

"Indeed  I  would.  To  be  fully  justified  in  having  asked 
those  women  to  receive  with  me;  parade  my  parlors  in  fine 
gowns ;  be  the  fixed  stars  that  outshone  all  my  true  and  tried 
friends;  get  more  marked  attention  than  even  my  guest  of 
honor,  and  then  never  call " 

"Oh,  don't  worry  about  that  part  of  it.  We  will  settle 
that  yet.  What  we  want  now  is  to  arrive  at  some  conclusion 
as  to  the  propriety  of  your  inviting  them." 

"Well,  what  do  you  think?" 

"I  don't  think.  My  mind  is  gently  jostled,  but  it  only 
gravitates." 

"What  is  your  conclusion  then?" 

"I  don't  conclude.    I  am  simply  studying  club  cosmogony !" 

"But  you  must  have  already  formed  some  decided  opinions. 
Please  let  me  have  the  benefit  of  them." 

"From  my  standpoint  as  a  non-member  a  whole  club  looks 
impersonal.  One  could  not  be  criticised  at  all,  rather  praised 
for  inviting  it;  and  such  guests  need  not  as  a  matter  of  eti- 
quette, call  individually  afterwards  unless  they  are  the  oldest 
residents,  when  it  would  be  at  least  an  evidence  of  the  highest 
courtesy — that  which  is  based  on  kindly  feeling." 

"I  agree  with  you  there.     Proceed." 

"It  is  rather  difficult,  for  I  am  trying  to  decide  about 
your  invitations  only,  and  this  question  of  calls  will  constantly 
reappear,  and — ;— " 

"Yes;  the  highest  courtesy  seems  to  consist  in  a  call  of 
some  kind' — whether  it  is  prompted  by  kindliness  or  not.  If  a 
call  must  be  made  to  insure  an  invitation,  then  another  to 
show  one's  appreciation  of  it;  or  if  an  invitation  happens  to 
have  been  given  when  there  was  no  insurance  policy  on  it, 
because  no  previous  call  had  been  made;  and  the  whole  per- 
formance ends  in  smoke,  damages  not  being  made  good  by 
that  call  afterwards — oh,  don't  women's  calling  convictions 
get  fearfully  tangled  up!" 

"They  do,  my  dear,  they  do.  But  calm  yourself,  and  let 
me  finish  what  I  began  to  say." 

"I  beg  your  pardon.     Proceed." 

"From  my  standpoint  as  a " 

"As  a  non-member  you  are  going  to  say.  Now  from  your 
standpoint  ?     Proceed." 


OVER    THE    TEA    CUPS.  27 

"I  was  about  to  remark  that  a  whole  board  of  directors 
IS  impersonal  and  might  be  asked  to  your  house;  or  all  the 
officers  might  be  entertained  together;  no  individuals  consid- 
ered. Then  the  question  of  having  called  or  not  having 
called  would  not  be  apt  to  rise  at  all." 

"Oh,  but  it  does,  though !  I  can  tell  you  all  about  that. 
When  I  gave  the  Old  affair — I  mean  the  reception  for  Mrs. 
Jane  Smith-Brownwell-Greenaway-Old.  There;  I  move  that 
hyphens  be  annihilated !  They  are  too  cumbersome.  One 
name  at  a  time  is  all  any  woman  is  entitled  to." 

"I,  a  non-club  woman,  who  was  never  a  secretary,  treas- 
urer or  chairman  of  anything  in  my  life,  and  know  nothing 
whatever  about  parliamentary  usage,  would  like  to  be  in- 
structed as  to  how  that  motion  of  yours  could  become  a  club 
law.     Will  you  loan  me  your  manual?" 

"Certainly;   any  time." 

"I'm  going  to  learn  it  by  heart  from  beginning  to  end." 

"I  can't  see  what  use  you  have  for  it.  You  surprise  me. 
But  you  are  welcome  to  it." 

"Thank  you.  Now  go  on  with  your  story.  As  you  say 
to  me — proceed." 

"All  right,  I  will.  You  see  one  of  the  directors — when  I 
gave  the  reception — was  my  nearest  neighbor.  She  has  lived 
here  twenty  years  and  I  only  two.  She  had  never  been  in 
to  see  me  at  all.  I  wrote  my  invitations  and  left  her  out. 
Then  it  was  so  marked  I  thought  it  would  never  do.  I  asked 
one  of  the  other  directors  who  had  never  called,  but  who 
had  talked  a  great  deal  about  it " 

"Which  is  something,  and  which,  in  fact,  goes  a  great 
ways.     Don't  let  me  interrupt." 

"I  asked  her  to  tell  my  neighbor  that  the  directors  were 
all  expected.  So  I  knew  that  she  knew  of  my  social  ex- 
istence, and  of  my  plans.  For  a  few  days  before  the  event 
the  situation  was  almost  grotesque.  We  passed  each  other 
several  times,  both  staring  ridiculously  into  space.  It  surely 
was  not  my  place  to  bow  or  speak  first,  when  she  had  lived 
here  the  longest,  and  there  had  been  no  introduction." 

"Oh,  there  had  been  no  introduction?" 

"No;  I  had  seen  her  a  great  many  times  at  the  club;  and 
her  cook  and  my  cook  had  been  exchanging  protracted  civili- 
ties every  morning  for  months  over  the  back  fence,  which, 
both  being  garrulous  afterward,  afforded  us  frequent  inklings 
of  each  other's  club  and  social  affiliations.  Still  we  had  not 
been  introduced." 

"Introductions  of  the  casual  sort  are  rather  farcical  any- 
way. Know  ye,  Mrs.  Thackeray  Green,  that  this  is  Mrs.  Dick- 
ens White,   and   they   look   each   other   squarely   in   the   eye,. 


28  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

for  the  first  time,  though  they've  seen  each  other  for  months 
and  months.  Th-ey  grasp  each  other's  hands,  thus  identifying 
each  other.  They  smile,  thus  signaHng  to  each  other.  They 
answer  each  other's  questions  as  to  what  street  they  live  on. 
They  soon  find  out  which  has  been  longest  in  the  city.  And 
lo,  acquaintance  is  estafblished.  The  whole  matter  has  been 
managed  according  to  etiquette.  Oh,  the  satisfaction — to 
Americans — of  having  been  casually  introduced!  It  really 
means  nothing  at  all  in  this  country  to  be  introduced,  but 
the  ceremony  bears  an  equivocal  semblance  to  a  guaranty  of 
immense  respectability." 

"Merely  to  be  a  member  of  one  of  the  leading  clubs  is 
equivalent  to  such  a  guaranty.  So  don't  you  think  that  it  is 
quite  comme  il  faut  for  all  club  women  to  bow  and  speak 
when  they  meet  anywhere,  without  having  had  personal  in- 
troductions?" 

"Yes;  just  as  people  do  in  private  homes,  when  they  are 
all  invited  guests.  This  is  a  privilege,  sanctioned  by  etiquette, 
which  too  many  forget  or  ignore.  The  custom  is  all  right 
and  should  be  encouraged.  Whatever  helps  fellowship  in 
clubs,  or  ease  and  pleasure  in  society,  is  good.  Everything 
should  be  avoided  that  helps  to  alienate  in  clubs,  or  anywhere 
prevents  the  flowing  association,  which  is  indispensable  to 
magnanimity  of  deportmenit." 

"Do  you  realize  that,  for  a  non-club  woman,  you  have  the 
most  remarkable  comprehension  of  a  club's  purposes;  and 
perception  of  its  needs  ?" 

"Oh,  yes;  I  am  quite  aware  of  it.  I  am  like  the  inex- 
perienced but  wise  single  woman,  who  thinks  she  knows  bet- 
ter how  to  bring  up  children  than  the  majority  of  parents  do." 

"It  occurs  to  me  that,  in  this  conversation  or  random  dis- 
cussion of  club  etiquette,  I  a  *clubbist'  as  you  call  me,  and 
you  a  non-clubbist,  are  arriving  at  some  conclusions  that  are 
quite  satisfactory." 

"Satisfactory  to  ourselves^ — yes.  But  would  they  be  to 
others?" 

"We  could  prove  their  acceptability  to  a  majority  of  club 
members  only  by  putting  them  to  vote." 

"At  present  that  is  impossible.  But  it  may  be  accomplished 
yet,  if  we  can  finally  emerge  from  general  indefiniteness  to  a 
transparent  atmosphere,  where  no  misunderstandings  can  long 
prevail." 

"There  would  have  to  be  a  series  of  resolutions  to  be 
adopted.  Our  heads  just  now,  and  lots  of  other  women's 
beads,  too,  are  full  of  unanswered  questions.  Emerson  says 
that  he  who  can  answer  a  question  so  as  to  admit  of  no 
further  answer,  is  the  best  man." 


OVER    THE    TEA    CUPS.  29 

"And  we  may  say,  she  who  can  answer  these  club  ques- 
tions so  as  to  admit  of  no  further  answer,  after  full  and  free 
discussion,  might  be  considered  authority  in  club  etiquette, 
even  if  not  a  member  herself." 

"I  agree  with  you  there.  And  are  you  going  to  answer 
them  ?" 

"Yes,  in  my  own  time  and  way  I  am  going  to  attempt  to 
give  to  you  club  women  a  definite  answer  to  every  one  of  , 
them." 

"That  will  be  hard  work.  But  it  will  be  appreciated.  As 
soon  as  the  water  boils  again,  let  me  give  you  another  cup 
of  tea.     Don't  you  want  it  stronger  next  time?" 

"Yes,  very  much  stronger — even  if  it  keeps  me  awake." 


Ill 

REPLENISHING    THE    TEA. 

"Don't  you  think  that  club  women  are,  upon  the  whole, 
rather  clannish?" 

"Not  too  much  so." 

"I  knew  an  active  club  woman  who  went  to  a  card  party 
on  the  day  her  club  met  to  discuss  the  General  Federation  to 
be  held  in  Milwaukee.  She  had  forgotten  certain  dates,  or 
perhaps  had  her  own  reasons  for  going  to  the  function  in- 
stead of  the  club.  She  was  never  forgiven  by  some  of  the 
leading  members,  and  was  quite  ignored  when  local  com- 
mittees were  appointed  later.  On  the  day  she  went  to  the 
card  party  she  nearly  suffocated  in  an  over-crowded  parlor, 
both  fresh  air  and  daylight  being  excluded;  and  she  did  not 
get  the  prize  she  fairly  won,  because  etiquette  prevented  her 
from  questioning  the  honesty  of  those  who  did  the  counting." 

"Oh,  we  have  all  had  that  experience." 

"She  did  not  enjoy  the  card  party  at  all,  and  on  the  way 
home  when  she  met  a  lot  of  club  women  who  told  her  what 
a  lively  discussion  she  had  missed,  she  was  most  regretful. 
She  explained,  when  upbraided  by  them,  that  she  had  no 
special  responsibilities  that  day  at  the  club,  or  she  would  not, 
probably,  have  been  likely  to  forget  them.  But  she  was 
blamed — as  if  a  club  were  one  vast,  sensitive,  exacting  human 
organism;  a  stupendous  I,  or  a  mountainous  me,  whose  in- 
terests had  been  neglected,  and  who  had  been  flagrantly 
snubbed." 

"Oh,  yes;  a  club  woman  who  goes  anywhere  else  on  the 
day  her  club  meets,  always  subjects  herself  to  a  suspicion  of 
disloyalty,  or  club  discourtesy." 

"I  should  think  her  absence  would  be  more  abusively  re- 
garded on  election  days,  when  every  vote  counts." 

"Oh,  no;  that  shows  you  are  not  a  club  member!  There 
are  never,  in  any  of  my  clubs,  so  few  members  present  as  on 
those  days." 

"And  why?" 

"There  are  always  nominating  committees,  and  everything 
is  cut  and  dried,  as  they  say,  beforehand.  Almost  the  whole 
club  might  stay  away  on  election  days,  and  nothing  be  said !" 

"How  very  strange." 

"Yes;  quite  paradoxical,  isn't  it?" 

"Please  explain  this,  to  me,  rather  contradictory  feature 
«f  club  etiquette." 


REPLENISHING   THE  TEA.  31 

"It  would  take  too  long.  We  are  not  talking  of  club 
politics  now." 

"That's  so;  we  are  merely  airing  our  views  of  club 
clannishness.  It  seems  to  me  that  you  women  have  to  think 
of  your  club  first  of  all,  then  of  home,  then  of  the  non-club 
side  of  society." 

"Perhaps  so;  but  home  life  is  not  often  really  neglected 
by  club  women.  The  better  and  broader  the  club  the  more 
it  cultivates  in  the  woman  a  taste  for  all  that  makes  home 
ideal.  If  a  worker  in  a  club  falls  ill,  why  do  so  many  people 
always  hold  the  club  accountable?  Do  not  the  mere  society 
women,  who  perhaps  scorn  clubs,  break  down  much  oftener 
with  sheer  nervous  prostration?  Where  one  woman  breaks 
down  because  of  too  much  club  work  in  addition  to  her 
home  duties,  fifty  break  down  because  they  have  not  learned 
at  clubs,  devoted  to  art,  and  science,  and  literature,  and  do- 
mestic life,  how  to  get  the  most  from  social  relations;  or 
have  not  found  the  maximum  of  enjoyment  in  a  home  whose 
drudgery  is  made  divine  only  by  putting  a  certain  amount  of 
cheerful,    club-inspired   philosophy   into   it." 

"And  yet  I've  always  noticed  that  the  women  on  your  plat- 
forms who  tell  you  that  home  duties  should  come  first,  are 
the  very  ones  who  are  compelled  to  drop  them,  and  fly  on 
the  wings  of  the  wind  several  mornings  and  afternoons  of 
every  week,  to  keep  their  club  appointments." 

"They  may  not  want  to,  and  they  may  conscientiously  rebel 
against  it — ^but  they  just  have  to." 

"Of  course  they  do.     I  can  understand  that." 

"You  see  if  a  woman  stays  away  too  often  to  bake  bread, 
or  can  fruit,  or  do  any  _  of  those  things  that  our  grand- 
mothers used  to  take  pride  in  doing  themselves,  the  club 
says  she  can  buy  bread  of  a  baker " 

"Suppose  her  husband  insists  upon  home-made  bread?" 

"Or  buy  fruit  already  canned." 

"Suppose  it's  too  expensive?" 

"Oh,  one  section  of  the  club  deals  with  all  these  domestic 
problems — and  very  often  settles  them,  too." 

"To  the  perfect  satisfaction  of  husbands  and  families?" 

"Outwardly,  yes.^  For  nowadays  it's  a  positive  fact  that 
husbands  and  families  of  club  women  are  so  well  educated, 
so  considerate,  and  polite,  that  they  observe  a  sort  of  club 
etiquette  themselves.  A  man,  especially,  beareth  all  things, 
hopeth  all  things,  believeth  all  things,  endureth  all  things  con- 
nected with  a  woman's  club." 

"The  clubs,  in  other  words  have  created  a  new  chivalry 
among  men?" 

"Yes;   everybody  can  see  that." 


32  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

"One  reason  why  I  do  not  join  them  is  that  my  husband 
says  it  would  naturally  increase  my  social  responsibilities, 
complicate  my  already  far  from  simple  routine  of  social  duties, 
and  make  too  strenuous  my  social  life." 

"Yes,  it  would  certainly  be  apt  to  do  all  that;  but  after 
awhile  you  would  find  yourself  drawing  the  lines  between 
what  is  calculated  to  broaden  and  develop,  and  what  has  a 
tendency  to  limit  and  check  a  woman's  happiness  in  and  use- 
fulness to  society.  And  you  would  give  up  many  other  things 
in  order  to  avail  yourself  of  all  the  club  privileges  and  op- 
portunities." 

"Many  things  that  might  be  of  really  more  value  to  me 
I  fear — leisure  to  read  the  best  books  of  the  year  with  my 
growing  daughters;  time  to  keep  up  my  neglected  piano  prac- 
tice so  as  to  accompany  the  violin  and  cornet  solos  of  my 
sons  on  their  evenings  at  home,  and " 

"Ah,  your  allusions  make  me  half-envious." 

"What  an  admission  for  a  club  woman !" 

"Oh,  I  only  mean  envious  of  the  daughters  you  read  with. 
I've  never  cultivated  a  taste  for  amateur  music !  As  for 
evenings  at  home,  my  husband  says  my  club  gossip  is  as  di- 
verting to  him  as  the  theater." 

"No  doubt  it  is." 

"If  you  do  not  care  to  join  any  of  our  working  clubs, 
or  culture  clubs,  I  should  think  a  woman  of  your  ancestry 
would  be  sure  to  unite  with  the  "Daughters  of  the  American 
Revolution."  In  our  progressive  age,  and  among  all  the 
changes  that  the  attitude  of  the  new  woman — as  she  is  called— 
has  brought  about,  one  element  of  our  social  life  needed  above 
all  others  to  be  preserved.  I  refer  to  the  element  of  con- 
servatism. It  is  well  to  be  broad  and  democratic,  and  to  keep 
alive  our  sympathies  and  our  kindness,  in  our  association 
with  our  fellow  beings  everywhere.  But  there  is  the  golden 
mean  to  be  observed  in  all  our  relations  with  each  other. 
The  Colonial  dame  knows  how  to  mingle  with  all  kinds  and 
classes  of  people  and  yet  keep  her  own  dignified  reserve; 
losing  none  of  the  sweetness  of  her  well-born  and  well-bred 
ancestors,  yet  adding  to  it  much  of  the  tactful  strength  that 
only  nineteenth  century  opportunities  could  germinate  and 
bring  to  fruition.  The  whole  fabric  of  social  relations  in  a 
large  majority  of  our  towns  and  villages  has  been  made  more 
graciously  beautiful  by  the  interweaving  of  Colonial  revivals 
every  year.  The  stately  manner  and  the  silvered  hair  (arti- 
ficially if  not  naturally)  of  our  Colonially-descended  women, 
on  occasions  familiar  to  all  in  both  towns  and  cities,  always 
excites  a  spirit  of  becoming  reverence  and  patriotism  in  the 
public  mind.  Yearly,  because  of  them,  there  are  created 
fresh  forms  of  'ye  olden  courtesie.' " 


REPLENISHING   THE   TEA.  33 

"I  admit  that  all  you  say  is  true,  and  that  these  women 
in  society  should  command  the  chivalrous  respect  of  all  men. 
They  awaken  a  species  of  admiring  awe  in  the  breast  of  less 
favored  sisters,  who  can  claim  good  blood,  perhaps,  but 
not  the  noble  inheritances  bequeathed  by  the  remote  nobility 
of  those  famous  times.  Kind  hearts  were  more  than  coronets 
then,  as  they  are  now,  but  high  blood  or  blue  blood  established 
rather  limited  and  exclusive  social  relations,  and  there  is 
still  desirable  a  certain  degree  of  restriction.  Women  must 
preserve  the  queenly  element  of  pre-revolutionary  days  if 
they  would  have  men  forever  retain  the  princely  manner  of 
gentle,  genial  politeness,  which  marks  the  American  today." 

"Little  has  thus  far  been  lost.  Even  unsocial  business  men 
in  the  circles  where  refinement  and  intelligence  abound,  have 
an  inherent  respect  for  women  which  marks  their  behavior 
everywhere.  There  is  magnetism  in  the  presence  of  our 
modern  representatives  of  the  Colonial  days,  who  maintain 
and  perpetuate  a  consciousness  of  native  culture.  These 
magnetisms  are  forceful  enough  to  penetrate  our  social  strata, 
and  they  are  instrumental  in  keeping  alive  a  certain  ele- 
mentary aristocracy,  which  is,  after  all,  most  legitimate  and 
a  decided  lever,  or  leaven  in  our  social  life.  It  is  easy  indeed 
to  overpraise  the  hero  of  today,  however  vulgar  he  may  be. 
But  the  heroes  and  the  heroines  of  the  past !  Ah,  they  pos- 
sessed physical,  and  moral,  and  social  courage  and  refinement; 
they  had  a  distinct  code  of  politeness  and  gallantry  for  men, 
and  a  persistently  high  standard  for  women,  which  have 
proven  the  most  affluent  sources  of  our  real  social  upbuilding. 
We  have  in  American  social  relations  the  distilled  elixir  from 
the  European  gardens  or  courts,  and  we  cherish  the  memory 
of  the  days  when  knighthood  was  in  flower." 

"Now  suppose  I  joined  a  club  or  two  and  never  appeared 
at  any  of  the  regular  sessions?" 

"But  you  would  be  the  gainer  even  then." 

"I  don't  see  how." 

"Of  course  you  would  attend  all  the  big  club  receptions 
for  celebrities;  and  you  would  enjoy  going  to  the  annual 
luncheons  anyway." 

"But  according  to  my  ideas  of  club  etiquette  it  would  be 
most  seriously  out  of  taste.  I  know  there  are  plenty  of  such 
club  members.  I  should  think  they  would  feel  sneaky,  pay- 
ing for  all  the  fun  of  course  in  money,  but  never  allying 
themselves  or  their  influence  to  anything  but  a  club's  social 
affairs." 

"Back  of  which  you  might  add,  there  is  always  much 
thought  and  work  on  the  part  of  a  few.  However,  it's  a  part 
of  the  whole  system  of  club  etiquette — unformulated  though 


34  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

it  be — to  let  those  work  who  can  or  will,  and  to  let  those 
shirk  who  will  or  must,  and  to  say  very  little  in  praise  of  the 
one  class,  or  dispraise  of  the  other. 

"That  is  partially  true,  but  if  a  woman  needs  the  re- 
laxation of  a  ping-pong  party,  or  a  game  of  golf,  rather  than 
a  lecture  on  Roman  Antiquities,  she  is  often  pronounced  frivo- 
lous, or  lacking  in  club  loyalty." 

"In  some  cases,  yes ;   decidedly  so.     Proceed." 

"Possibly  she  has  heard  Miss  Betty  Bright  report  for  tTie 
book  committee  so  many  times  that  she  stays  away  certain 
days  to  make  non-club  calls " 

"As  I  did  just  once  with  you,  thinking  that  Miss  Betty 
would  after  awhile  have  told  all  she  knew  about  the  per- 
plexing heroines  of  recent  fiction.  Yes ;  I  did  step  into  the 
pitfall  of  miscellaneous  five-minute  calls ;  and  made  so  many 
that  I  was  nearly  exhausted  at  night,  and  quite  disgusted,  too, 
when  told  that  Miss  Betty  was  not  on  the  program  for 
once;  and  that  all  the  smartest  women  in  the  club  took  part 
in  an  animated  general  discussion  of  the  five  most  popular 
novels  of  the  year." 

"I'll  warrant  that  this  devious  calling  snare,  into  which  I 
led  you ;  and  the  one  temptation  to  catch  up  in  your  long  list 
of  unpaid  social  debts,  which  you  did  not  resist,  has  forever 
tabooed  you  from  being  asked  to  tell  what  you  know  about 
books,  new  or  old." 

"Well,  yes,  I  suspect  so.  There  are  only  certain  women 
now,  right  along,  who  have  a  place  on  the  book  committee." 

"And  always  headed  by  Miss  Betty  Bright?" 

"Yes;  but  why  not?  She  is  charming.  I  enjoy  her  now 
more  and  more;  especially  since  I  have  accepted  the  fact  that 
I  am  only  one  of  several  hundred  other  women  who  are  not 
expected  to  analyze  fictional  freaks." 

"Yes,  I  believe  you  clubbists  always  enjoy  anything  that 
has  finally  reduced  you  to  a  state  of  absolute  modesty  or 
willing  self-effacement." 

"I  must  say  we  do  get  a  great  deal  of  wholesome  discipline. 
And  we  find,  really,  that  the  only  way  to  thoroughly  enjoy  a 
club,  and  all  its  members,  is  to  persist  in  giving  those  on  top 
every  chance  to  shine,  or  rise  still  higher." 

"And  to  amiably  pose  as  being  dull  yourselves ;  and  to  sit 
week  after  week  apparently  lost  in  abject  appreciation  of  their 
talents.  Oh,  I  never  could  thus  help  to  distill  the  quintes- 
sence of  politeness,  as  a  body  of  sweet-souled,  self-abnegating 
club   women   must." 

"Thanks,  my  friend,  thanks  in  behalf  of  all  the  silent,  well- 
behaved,  never-on-the-program,  under-the-bushel  lights  of 
clubdom!" 


REPLENISHING   THE   TEA.  35 

"Now  I  am  one  of  those  opinionated,  egotistical,  personally 
ambitious  women  myself,  who  would  not  care  to  be  in  a  club 
at  all  unless  I  had  an  active  part  in  at  least  several  of  its 
movements.  I  would  want  to  be  sometimes  on  the  book  com- 
mittee, so  as  to  show  how  scientifically  I  could  dissect  the 
characters  of  Henry  James — " 

"They  are  sufficiently  dissected  when  he  dissects  them." 

"All  the  more  skillful  I,  then." 

"And  you  would  surely  be  down  for  papers  on  art, — you 
are  so  very  aesthetic." 

"Yes,  I  would  feel  much  hurt  if  never  asked  to  air  my  art 
ideas  before  the  whole  society.  And  I  would  want  to  have 
full  charge  of  the  domestic  section,  not  because  I  can  cook, 
but  because  it  having  been  fashionable  to  go  to  cooking  schools, 
I  am  a  graduate  of  seven.  And  I  would,  honestly,  feel  hu- 
miliated if,  after  being  a  member  of  a  club  ten  years  or  more 
I  was  never  known  well  enough  to  be  called  anything  but 
Mrs.    What's-her-name." 

"That  reminds  me  of  one  of  the  several  things  we  have 
agreed  upon  in  club  etiquette." 

"And  which  one?" 

"That   about   a   woman's    name." 

"Oh  yes, — one  name  at  a  time." 

"And  now  let's  agree  that,  at  same  rate,  that  one  name 
must  be  remembered  by  every  club  sister  who  has  ever  heard 
it  spoken." 

"We  can  so  agree,  but  wouldn't  it  be  an  utter  impossi- 
bility?" 

"No ;  it  could  be  managed  by  a  clause  in  the  by-laws. 
Not  only  the  club  but  society  in  general  might  in  the  course 
of  time  overcome  a  most  inexcusable  habit.  It's  all  non- 
sense this  saying  'Pardon  me,  but  I've  forgotten  your  name.' 
The  trouble  is  people  do  not  seriously  set  about  trying  to  fix 
names  firmly  in  their  minds." 

"Then  you  think  it  a  good  reform  for  a  club  to  inaug- 
urate?" 

"Yes,  indeed  I  do.  I  myself  plead  guilty  to  unpardon- 
able heedlessness  about  other  people's  names,  as  touchy  as 
I  am  when  the  same  persons  repeatedly  forget  mine." 

"What  would  you  suggest  in  the  line  of  club  reformation?" 

"Courses  of  lectures  on  'Criminology,' — the  proceeds  to  be 
devoted  to  a  general  effort  to  exterminate  from  the  face  of 
the  earth  all  those  absent-minded,  selfishly  indifferent  human 
beings  who  have  no  difficulty  whatever  in  remembering  every 
little  thing  under  the  sun  but  the  names  of  the  people  they 
are  introduced  to." 

"The  race  of  Americans  at  least  would  be  terribly  de- 
populated." 


36  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

"Yes,  but  those  who  remained  to  tell  the  tale  would  have 
some  claim  to  politeness ;  and  a  memory  not  vague  and  flabby, 
but  worth  transmitting  to  children  who  would  never  help 
to   perpetuate    what's-her-names,   and  what-you-call-'ems/' 

"Speaking  of  ambitions  if  you  were  a  club  woman,  gives 
me  a  chance  to  predict  that  you  will  yet  be  a  high  and  mighty 
one.  If  you  ever  join  you  will  know  just  how  to  work 
your  way  to  the  front/' 

"Oh,  but  I  don't  like  that  type  of  successful  club  women! 
They  get  to  the  front  of  the  ranks,  but  they  recklessly  knock 
down  every  other  aspiring  woman,  regardless  of  her  aches, 
sprains,  and  bruises.  I  don't  mean  that  they  countenance 
gossip  or  character-hurt3.  I  credit  club  women  with  great 
fairness  in  that  matter.  But  they  have  a  mysterious  way  of 
thrusting  a  woman  into  the  background  when  she  promises 
to  stand  in  their  way.     I  don't  know  just  how  they  do  it." 

"Oh,  don^t  you?  Why  they  always  see  that  she  is  on 
the  nominating  committees.  She  innocently  feels  flattered; 
thinks  she  must  have  great  discernment,  good  judgment,  etc., 
and  performs  her  thankless  duties  most  willingly.  All  the 
while   she  is  the  same  as   defeating  herself." 

"Oh,  because  she  cannot  with  any  propriety  nominate 
herself — I   see." 

"Yes,   there  are  fine   diplomats   in   women's  clubs." 

"I'm  afraid  of  them.  In  general  society  I  can  have 
things  my  way " 

"Yes,  you   are  a  born  leader." 

"But  club  women  are  so  much  more  shrewd  and  tact- 
ful than  the  average  scheming  and  shallow  society  woman, 
that  it  is  not  easy  to  weigh  all  their  motives.  Club  women 
are  dangerously  affable." 

"And  so  you   are  afraid  of  them — you?" 

"Yes;  the  leaders  have  such  a  gentle  and  unobtrusive  way 
of  sizing  one  up;  classifying  one,  as  if  to  be  used  for 
this  or  that  purpose;  or  labeling  ooie  as  explosive — ^and^  to 
be  shelved.  I  should  never  know  what  they  were  tHinking 
about  me,  or  what  they  were  deciding  to  do  with  me." 

"After  awhile  you  wouldn't  notice  all  this,  or  if  you  did 
you  wouldn't  care.  And  when  you  once  reached  such  a 
position  you  would  have  solid  and  continuous  enjoyment 
of  your  club." 

"It  would  take  a  whole  life-time  to  discipline  me.  And 
I  do  not  care  for  the  posthumous  pleasure  of  simply  being 
a  club  woman!" 

"You   mean  posthumous   honor." 

"No;  I  meant  what  I  said.  To  have  been  conspicuous, 
or   to   have   been   inconspicuous   has   the   same   result.     One 


REPLENISHING   THE  TEA.  37 

soon  becomes  an  ex-officer,  or  an  ex-member  in  old  age,  and 
is  the  same  as  dead  when  thus  relegated  to  oblivion." 

"But  there  are  honorary  life-memberships." 

"And  they  are  the  worst  sort  of  farces,   sometimes." 

"In   what   way?" 

"You  have  not  told  me  that  the  first  President  of  your 
favorite  club,  who  was  made  an  honorary  life-member  out 
of  courtesy,  but  who  long  ago  stopped  attending,  has  sent 
in  her  resignation  as  such." 

"No;    it   has   been   regarded   as   a   club   secret." 

"We  outsiders  always  get  hold  of  your  secrets;  a  parcel 
of  women  cannot  keep  them !" 

"Tell  me  what  you  heard." 

"The  whole  story,  and  how  her  name  stands  in  ten  year- 
books as  a  life-member;  and  how  her  bust  has  been  ordered, 
and  must  be  paid  for  out  of  club  funds,  and  hid  in  a  dark 
place  out  of  sight;  and  how  mad  she  is  because  the  club  has 
changed  her  early  policy  and  amended  the  by-laws  too  often; 
and,  in  fact,  how  her  life-membership  has  become  a  hollow 
mockery.  Sometimes  it's  hard  enough  to  be  alive,  and  hor- 
rible to  be  dead;  but  to  be  a  club  ex-president,  struggling 
to  be  more  alive  than  she  is,  and  more  dead  than  she  is  at 
one  and   the   same  time,  is — " 

"Let  me  complete  the  sentence.  It  is  both  ludicrous  and 
pathetic." 

"Pardon  me.  Your  club  is  very  loyal.  Its  strict  eti- 
quette in  this  instance  is  praiseworthy.    I  will  say  no  more." 

"What  were  we  talking  of  awhile  ago,  when  we  switched 
off?" 

"I  don't  know  which  turn  you  mean.  In  desultory  con- 
versations like  ours  there  are  so  many  switches.  But  I 
think  we  were  side-tracked  on  the  subject  of  my  not  join- 
ing any  of  the  clubs,  and  my  acknowledged  unfitness  for 
membership." 

"And  yet  you  find  club  women,  as  such,  so  attractive  a 
study  that  you  wish  to  formulate  a  system  of  etiquette, 
which  would  be  of  inestimable  value  to  them," 

"Yes,  perhaps  it's  the  only  way  I  can  distinguish  myself. 
When  I  arrive  at  conclusions  worth  holding  to  I  am  going 
to  make  a  summary  of  them.     But  before  doing  so,  I  want 
to  get  more  information  as  to  the  inside  life  of  clubs." 
"It  seems  to  me  you  have  sufficient  already." 

"By  no  means." 

"Then   why  don't  you  become  one  of  us?" 

"I  have  given  you  several  reasons.  But  the  paramount 
one  really  concerns  the  question  of  calls,  which  is  and  may 
forever  remain  the  inextinguishable  bug-bear  of  the  social 
life  of  womankind." 


38  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

"Yes;  it  seems  to  underlie  or  overlap  all  the  other  prob- 
lems, doesn't  it?  Whatever  points  of  etiquette  we  begin 
to  discuss,  back  we  go  again  to  the  question  of  calls." 

"As  a  non-club  woman  my  calling  code  is  already  alarm- 
ingly involved.  If  I  joined  even  one  small  club,  whether 
a  culture  club,  or  a  whist  club,  I  would  be  extending  my 
relations  in  such  a  manner  as  to  over-crowd  the  already 
haunted  chambers  of  my  mind." 

"No  doubt  you  would — no  doubt  at  all;  for  you  are 
naturally  very  social,  very  responsive,  and  kind-hearted.  Pro- 
ceed." 

"More  women  would  call  upon  me,  and  I  would  have 
to  return  their  first  visits,  at  least  right  away.  I  would  be 
certain  to  seek  the  strangers,  even  when  I  already  owed 
more  calls  than  I  could  pay.  I  acquired  the  miscellaneous 
calling  habit  in  my  youth,  and  I  have  never  been  able  to 
break  it." 

"Nor  I.  Mine  isn't  a  habit,  nor  yet  a  tendency.  Mine 
is  an  inherited  weakness.  I  simply  cannot  resist  it.  When  I 
most  firmly  resolve  to  stay  at  home  awhile,  I  find  my  brain 
fairly  haunted,  just  as  you  say  yours  is,  by  these  ghostly 
obligations.  My  mother  was  the  same,  and  all  my  aunts. 
It's  in  the  family — this  calling  mania !" 

"It's  in  the  whole  human  family  —  of  American  women. 
You  perceive  that  I  Hmit  my  remarks  to  Americans.  This 
is  because,  when  I  get  ready  to  formulate  my  ideas  of  club 
etiquette  they  will  apply  only  to  such  women,  and  not  to 
general  society  which  is  presumed  to  be,  as  stated  by  high 
authority,  'steeped  in  Cologne  water,  and  perfumed,  and 
dined,  and  introduced,  and  properly  grounded  in  all  the  bi- 
ography,  and   politics,   and   anecdotes   of  the  boudoirs.'" 

"As  a  woman,  and  not  merely  a  club  woman,  I  shall 
for  the  sake  of  my  sex  in  general,  welcome  even  a  partial 
solution  of  the  algebraic  calling  question." 

"Mine  will  be  faulty,  of  course,  and  inadequate.  But  the 
calling  system  in  America  is  evolutionary." 

"Oh,  is  it  really?     I  had  not  thought  of  that.     Proceed." 

"Our  grandmothers  used  to  be  ready,  having  changed 
their  gowns,  and  perhaps  put  on  a  pretty  silk  apron — " 

"This  was  before  they  were  our  grandmothers,  you  mean?" 

"Yes;  in  their  prime,  and  as  society  personages,  too,  they 
used  to  be  ready  to  see  their  callers  any  day,  and  every  day, 
after  two  or  three  o'clock.  Then,  for  some  reason,  the 
majority  decided  it  was  best  to  have  one  regular  day  of  the 
week." 

"I  follow  your  thought.  That,  too,  became  unsatisfactory. 
Some  chose  the  first  and  third  Tuesday,  or  the  second  and 


REPLENISHING   THE   TEA.  39 

fourth  Wednesday,  etc.  Even  that  has  become  a  nightmare 
to  all  of  us." 

"Yes,  and  especially  to  you  club  women,  whose  days  here 
and  there,  and  everywhere,  are  marked  off  like  a  pendulum, 
anyway.  We  do  not  need  to  enter  into  details  regarding  the 
day  that  one  means  to  spend  at  home,  and  can  not  or  does 
not.  Some  women  are  half  offended  if  you  ignore  their 
special  day,  and  just  go  when  you  can,  as  your  pre-natal 
grandmothers  used  to!  It  is  all  a  stupendous  farce,  a  dis- 
appointing,  aggravating  hap-hazard   system." 

"Indeed  it  is.  We  might  talk  all  day  about  its  harrowing 
defects." 

"Its  absurdities  are  so  apparent." 

"Its    exactions   are   so   idiotic." 

"We   are  getting   excitec^." 

"Never  mind  if  we  are.  It's  a  thoroughly  impersonal 
theme." 

"And  we  are  earnestly  trying  to  find  some  way  in  which 
this  dreadful  condition  of  affairs  can  be  ameliorated." 

"The  task  is  heroic;  but  proceed." 

"It  will  take  too  many  words  for  me  to  present  to  you 
all  the  dilemmas  I  encounter.  But  I'll  mention  a  few.  I 
want  to  call  upon  Mrs.  Samuel  Star,  who  recently  arrived; 
she  lives  'way  across  the  city;  I  have  to  take  circuitous 
street  car  routes  and  change  several  times;  even  on  her  day 
I  may  not  find  her  at  home;  my  card  may  reach  her  or  may 
be  lost  by  her  children,  etc.,  etc.  I  fatigue  myself  miserably. 
I  put  her  in  the  position  when  she  must  very  shortly  repeat 
my  process,   and   fatigue  herself,   too." 

"Yes,  yes ;  proceed." 

"Why  proceed?  The  calling  situations  are  endless  in  their 
variety  and  trials." 

"Admitted." 

"Then  why  cannot  you  club  women,  at  least,  head  a  move- 
ment to  abolish  entirely  the  present  system  of  formal  calling 
at  each  other's  houses?" 

"Do  you  ask  why?" 

"Yes,  why?" 

"But    how?" 

"Inaugurate  and   carry  into   effect  a   simple  substitute." 

"How  very  simple  that  seems !     The  very  idea  rests  me." 

"Of  course  it  does.  All  your  physical,  mental  and  moral 
joints  immediately  relax." 

"Yes;  I  seem  to  be  free  and  unrestrained.  All  my  social 
being  revels  in  the  thought  that  at  last  I  am  going  to  be 
victorious  and  break  the  fixed  calling  habit.  My  pet  club  is 
going  to  be  a  pioneer  in  abolishing  the  system.  Now  pro- 
ceed." 


40  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

"The  term  *new  woman'  is  supposed  to  imply  a  club- 
woman,  is  it  not?" 

"Yes,  I— I  think  so." 

"And  she  surely  must  meet  many  new  emergencies,  and 
have  to  consider  many  questions  from  an  entirely  new  point 
of  view;  does  she  not?" 

"Yes,  oh  yes,  very  often." 

"Now  let  us  take  up  the  'amendment  to  the  amendment,* 
or  some  'unfinished  business,'  or  whatever  that  club  manual 
of  yours  might  sanction." 

"Oh,  but  I  am  waiting  for  your  proposed  substitute. 
There's  a  call  for  the  question  of  formal  calls.  I  am  ready 
for  the  question, — the  question'  of  calling." 

"Yes;  but  the  committee  is  not  yet  ready  to  report.  I  am 
the  committee  in  this  case,  you  know,  and  my  report  must 
be  a  written  one — by  and  by." 

'D^cm't  -fail  to  give  it  to  me.  I  want  it  as  a  means  of 
gratifying  my  curiosity — ^if  for  nothing  more.  And  at  the 
same  time,  all  nonsense  aside,  you  do  seem  to  be  very  much 
in  earnest." 

"Yes,  I  am  in  earnest;  and  I  shall  want  you  to  lay  the 
document  as  a  whole  before  one  of  your  clubs." 

"All  right,  I'll  do  it.  Why  my  tea  has  grown  so  cold,  I 
can't  drink  it.  If  there's  any  one  thing  that  I  insist  upon 
it's  having  my  tea  hot" 


IV 

THE     TEA     GROWS    COLD 

"I  have  often  thought  of  the  position  of  the  more  promi- 
nent club  members,  and  what  ought  and  ought  not  to  be  ex- 
pected of  them.     Can  you  give  me  any  pointers?" 

"As  a  member  who  wishes  to  encourage  your  benevolent 
explorations,  I  will  if  I  can.  Now  my  idea  is  that  no  woman 
should  consent  to  be  a  club  director,  or  officer,  unless  willing 
to  assume  all  the  duties  involved,  and  make  them,  for  the 
time  being,  primary.  From  the  very  day  that  she  becomes  a 
club  president,  more  particularly,  she  is  under  a  new  social 
order.  Each  director  and  the  other  officers  are  under  it,  too, 
in  a  modified   sense." 

"Certainly." 

"If  they  can  not  make  visits,  as  most  of  them,  perhaps 
all,  would  like  to  do,  can  they  not  send  their  cards  to  every 
member  who  has  been  a  resident  less  time  than  they  have, 
thus    establishing   a    sort   of   personal   relation?" 

"I  don't  think  that  is  to  be  expected,  or  is  really  feasible." 

"Oh,  I  was  doing  some  guess-work!  I  thought  some  such 
calling-dodge   was    in   your   mind." 

"No;  it  would  be  rather  expensive, — a  big  club,  lots  of 
postage;   and  a  bother,  too." 

"But  if  a  woman  can  not  afford  extra  stamps,  extra  sta- 
tionery, etc.,  and  if  she  is  not  also  equal  to  extra  tact,  kind- 
ness, amiability,  and  unfailing  courtesy,  she  ought  not  to  be 
a  club  president  nowadays." 

"Very  true.  You  know  what  has  been  told  about  a  man 
on  the  cars  one  morning  going  from  Concord  to  Boaton: 
Tm  sent  to  the  city  to  procure  an  angel  to  do  the  cooking,' 
he  said.  You  women  expect  angels  of  skill,  and  good-na- 
ture, and  patience  to  keep  the  club  kettle  boiling,  and  to 
prepare    delectable    feasts    for   you." 

"They  do  a  lot  of  thankless  work,  I  know,  but  there 
is  no  law  compelling  them  to,  and  they  don't  do  it  to  earn 
a  living,  as  Bridget  does." 

"I  declare;  my  Emersonian  anecdote  has  fallen  flat.  And 
I  must  say  I  don't  think  you  expect  too  much  of  your  offi- 
cers.    Everything  is  left  to  their  judgment." 

"And  if  they  haven't  the  angelic  qualities  required ;  if  they 
cannot  see  that  the  success  of  a  club  depends  upon  their 
consecration,    and   their  breadth;    and   that   the   club   should 


42  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

be  unanimous  in  its  views  of  their  fairness  and  politeness 
at  all  times ;  and  find  in  them  an  example  of  the  finest  amen- 
ities, then  they  are  not  fit  for  the  honor  we  confer  upon  them." 

"Indeed  they  are  not;  but  I  think  a  woman,  as  a  general 
thing,  rises  to  these  supernal  heights  after  her  election." 

"Yes ;  that  is  what  we  all  say.  It  is  opportunity  that 
brings    out    her    only    half-suspected    power." 

"As  a  non-member,  I  can  say,  without  being  disloyal, 
that  a  snippy  club  president,  who  enjoys  the  distinction  of 
her  office,  but  pays  little  heed  to  the  rights  or  the  feelings 
of  the  individual  members,  without  whose  vote  it  is  sup- 
posed  she  could  not  have  held   it,   always   amuses  me." 

"Because   she   is  so   conspicuously   ungrateful?" 

"Yes,  and  so  comically  unaware  of  her  approaching  doom 
if  she  should  wish  to  be  re-elected." 

"It  is,  I  think,  better  for  a  woman  to  afifect  more  cordiality 
than  she  really  possesses — if  naturally  a  matter-of-fact  per- 
son— than  to  have  the  appearance  of  ignoring  the  just  claims 
that  the  nominating  committee  may  have  put  forth.  Notice 
the  fine  distinction  I  make,  since  my  recent  avowal,  about  the 
elections,  and  that  responsible  committee." 

"Yes,  I  am  learning  fast  to  see  behind  the  scenes,  but 
I  shall  make  legitimate  use  of  my  discoveries.  I  was  going 
to  say  that  it's  better  for  an  officer  to  overdo  in  geniality, 
than  to  seem  oblivious  to  the  presence  of  private  members, 
as  some  do." 

"But  there  are  some  morbidly  constituted  club  women; 
some  who  imagine  they  are  slighted ;  some  who  are  chronic 
complainers,  alas !  and  who  are  not  only  not  satisfied  with  the 
choice  of  the  committee,  but  who  do  not  turn  out  and  help 
the  club  to  make  a  ticket  of  its  own,  when  given  a  chance. 
The  more  courteous  an  officer  is  to  them,  the  more  apt  are 
they  to  pronounce  her  manners  arrogant,  or  condescending." 

"Of  course  definitions  of  manners  are  always  difficult. 
Somewhere  I've  seen  them  likened  to  the  cob-web  cloth 
that  Hans  Christian  Andersen  wrote  about :  Woven  so  fine 
as  to  be  invisible,  woven  for  the  king's  garments.'  How  true 
it  is  that  exquisite  manners  do  seem  to  clothe  the  very  natures 
of  some  women,  like  a  royal  garment." 

"Yes,  and  when  some  very  intellectual,  but  far  from  gra- 
cious club  woman  puts  on  sweet  manners,  and  takes  them 
oflF,  when  she  forgets;  and  they  are  not  genuine,  but  based 
upon  her  desire  for  power,  they  are  often  sorry  misfits." 

"Still  if  they  wear  these  courtesy-clothes  long  enough 
they  adjust  themselves  to  the  form,  like  too  stiffiy  starched 
apparel  that  softens  after  awhile,  and  is  more  becoming. 
I  have  in  mind  a  case  like  that.     How  unapproachable  and 


THE    TEA    GROWS   COLD.  43 

unresponsive  the  president  of  the  Amalgamation  Club  used 
to  be !  She  was  very  much  in  earnest,  very  zealous  and  de- 
voted to  all  the  best  interests  of  the  society,  but  she  was  a 
severe  critic;  and  when  it  came  to  the  recognition  of  in- 
dividual members  and  their  righteous  projects,  she  did  not 
herself  try  to  amale^amate  anything." 

"I've  known  dozens  of  women  like  that, — dozens  of  them. 
They  are  perfectly  invulnerable." 

"No;  not  always.  Sometimes  a  very  little  blow  to  their 
dignity  completely  changes  them.  It's  interesting  to  see 
them  wilt  and  then  revive.  For  instance,  this  woman  jvas 
finally  told  that  what  had  once  promised  to  be  a  general 
coalescence,  or  assimilation,  would  be  impossible,  if  she  did 
not  make  a  study  of  common  courtesy  in  the  details  of  her 
club    work." 

"And  then  what?" 

.  "It  was  a  shocking  revelation  to  her  when  she  found 
that  she  was  lacking  in  ordinary  politeness." 

"Wasn't  she  angry?" 

"No,  she  was  only  stunned.  She  was  so  conscientious 
in  her  desire  for  the  amalgamation  of — whatever  the  club 
stood  for — that  she  reformed  in  her  demeanor  as  quickly  as 
if  she  had  just  experienced  the  old-fashioned  religion, — only 
she  had  a  change  of  manners,  instead  of  a  change  of  heart." 

"That's  what  you  think  all  our  clubs  ought  to  have, 
a  great  revival  of  etiquette,  followed  by  anxious-seat  con- 
fessions; and  a  general  tremulousness,  and  many  changes  of 
manners.     Proceed." 

"Yes;  this  woman  shook  hands  with  every  one  she  met. 
I  was  told  that  she  smiled  blandly  from  the  platform  when 
she  encountered  the  upturned  gaze  of  any  member." 

"How  refreshingly  edifying,  like  the  painless  groans,  and 
sympathetic  amens,  of  a  pompous  preacher.     Proceed." 

"A  shy  woman  in  a  golf  skirt,  which,  by  the  way,  Madame 
President  thought  it  quite  improper  to  wear  to  club  meet- 
ings  " 

"So   do   I." 

"A  spirituelle  looking  woman,  who  was  most  striking  in 
diamond  ear-rings  and  sunburst,  which,  in  Madam  President's 
estimation,  were  donned  most  inappropriately  at  an  afternoon 
session " 

"I  agree  with  her." 

"A  small  and  too-talkative  woman,  who  persisted  in  whis- 
pering, during  the  musical  programs,  much  to  the  President's 
annoyance " 

"Oh,  there's  always  the  whispering  fiend  to  spoil  some- 
body's pleasure." 


44  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

"The  woman  who  was  always  late,  and  wore  rustling 
skirts  that  disturbed  the  whole  club  as  she  advanced  when 
some  one  was  speaking;  and  the  irrepressible  and  inattentive 
woman  who  repeatedly  made  motions  that  had  been  carried, 
were  all  smiled  upon  in  the  same  way,  and  with  an  eagerness 
that  betokened  a  firm  resolution,  on  the  erring  President's 
part,  to  ever  after  cultivate  a  state  of  benignant  courtesy. 
But  was  not  this  air  of  magnificent  toleration  better  than  the 
useless  frowns,  or  the  superciliousness  of  her  past  record?" 

"Really,  I  think  it  was." 

"Then  let  us  agree  that,  in  the  question  of  club  etiquette, 
no  matter  what  happens,  or  how  the  President  feels,  her  be- 
havior must  suggest  acceptance  rather  than  dictation  of 
affairs." 

"In  other  words  she  must  adopt  the  ignoring  policy;  and 
she  must  combine  in  her  conduct  all  the  synonyms  of  affa- 
bility, which,  I  believe,  are  courtesy,  complaisance,  urbanity 
and   civility." 

"In  your  club  life  have  you  ever  known  of  such  a  paragon  ?" 

"Just  one." 

"Tell  me  about  her." 

"I'd  like  to.  It  is  pleasant  to  recall  her.  She  approached 
the  ideal.  She  made  such  use  of  all  her  opportunities  that 
when  she  retired  after  the  second  term,  refusing  a  third, 
there  was  no  limit,  really,  to  the  functions  given  in  her  honor. 
She  had  not  striven  for  popularity,  but  she  simply  enjoyed 
to  the  fullest  measure  her  many  chances  to  carry  out  her 
ideas  of  what  a  leader  should  be.  She  was  full  of  won- 
derfully generous  sentiments." 

"And  did  she  preside  well?" 

"Oh,  members  differed  about  that,  but  I  thought  she  did." 

"It  seems  to  me  you  club  women  always  differ  on  such 
points.  I've  never  heard  of  but  one  who  pleased  everybody 
and  that  was  a  Southern  woman,  who  was  the  very  embodi- 
ment of  club  courtesy." 

"You  refer  to  the  President  of  the  Biennial  when  it  met 
in  Los  Angeles,  and  who  was  said  to  rule  with  a  feather,  or 
better  still, 

'With    hammer    soft    as    snow-flakes'    flight.' 
There  was  only  one  opinion  of  her  manners  and  that  was  that 
they  were  perfect.     What  more   could  be  said?     Her  name 
should  be  handed  down  right  along  to  all  club  posterity  as  a 
model,  when  the  question  of  proper  presiding  arises." 

"Club  women  ought  to  see  to  that  for,  as  Joubert  writes — 
'Without  a  model  and  without  an  ideal  model,  no  one  could 
do  well.' " 

"Our  clubs  have  great  variety  in  their  presiding  officers. 
I've   never   traced    much    similarity   between    any   of   them — 


THE    TEA    GROWS   COLD.  4S 

rather  strange,  too,  as  their  official  routine  is  always  the 
same." 

"We  have  already  said  that  manners  are  hard  to  define, 
and  yet  they  are  communicable.  'If  they  are  superficial,  so 
are  the  dew-drops  which  give  such  a  depth  to  the  morning 
meadows.'  Ever  since  I  was  a  child  I've  been  interested  in 
the  subtile  descriptions  of  manners  that  writers  have  tried  to 
give.  'Your  manners  are  always  under  examination,  and  by 
committees  little  suspected.'  Emerson  says  that,  'In  all  clubs 
manners  make  the  members.'  And  he  also  says  that  'Fine 
manners  need  the  support  of  fine  manners  in  others.^ " 

"How  true  it  is  that  they  are  communicable.  Women, 
more  especially,  catch  them  from  each  other !  Our  Culture 
Club  caught  the  most  beautiful  behavior  from  the  president 
I  referred  to.  It  was  impossible  to  be  anything  but  cheerful, 
genial,  and  courteous  while  she  was  at  the  head.'* 

"Your  enthusiastic  tone  when  you  mention  her  makes  me 
feel  like  dancing  the  minuet  before  her,  lifting  my  skirts 
daintily  and  courtesying.  The  discussion  of  manners  creates 
in  me  feelings  most  gracious  and  polite  toward  every  one — 
even  toward  you  sitting  here  over  the  tea  cups !" 

"That  reminds  me  that  I  meant  to  heat  up  my  tea.  It's 
stone  cold  now.    But  I've  had  one  or  two  cups  anyway." 

"Yes,  two  I  think.  You  were  speaking  of  the  paragon^ 
when  I  interrupted  you.     Excuse  me." 

"Certainly;  your  sensation  of  exuberant  civility  was  con- 
tagious. I  have  one  too!  I  think  if  clubs  would  discuss 
fine  manners  more  all  the  members  might  be  thrilled  with  a 
unanimous  desire  to  exhibit  them!" 

"Oh,  the  clubs  will  discuss  all  these  questions  by  and  by. 
Never  fear.  What  I  want  now  is  to  talk  with  you  about  one 
of  your  favorite  leaders,  and  what  made  her  a  favorite." 

"Her  manners  were  marked  with  sympathy.  In  spite  of 
an  embarrassment  which  caused  blushes  of  confusion  on  her 
part  when  she  presided  over  large  meetings,  she  could  not 
really  make  mistakes  because  she  was  so  sincerely  anxious 
to  be  just  and  to  be  courteous.  The  fullness  of  her  heart 
was  apparent  to  all.  At  times  she  seemed  to  me  to  be  really 
above  mere  parliamentary  practice.  If  she  understood  it 
and  exercised  it,  there  was  something  so  spontaneously  cor- 
rect in  her  demeanor,  that  its  rigidity  was  lost  in  her  natural- 
ness." 

"You  have  spoken  of  her  desire  to  be  just  and  to  be 
courteous.  That  would  help,  I  should  suppose,  to  convey  an 
impression  of  parliamentary  knowledge.  For  no  doubt  justice 
and  courtesy  are  the  prime  requirements  in  the  accepted  set 
rules  for  the  conduct  of  club  meetings." 


46  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

"Oh,  yes;  and  there  is  a  chance  left  for  infinite  tact,  too. 
My  favorite  president  had  a  great  deal  of  that.  I  called 
her  the  Persian  Lady." 

"And  why?" 

"She  was  like  all  that  has  been  written  of  the  Persian 
Lady,  'Lilla;'  an  elemental  force;  'a  solvent  powerful  to 
reconcile  all  heterogeneous  persons  into  one  society.'  Mem- 
bers of  the  club  who  had  fallen  out  with  each  other  once, 
all  made  up  during  her  presidency.  I  was  one  of  them  my- 
self. I  was  ashamed  to  treat  a  certain  woman  coolly  any 
more  because  I  had  heard  that  she  criticised  the  committee 
of  which  I  was  chairman — for  buying  500  blue  tea  cups 
after  she  had  suggested  in  the  club  that  500  Japanese  cups 
be  purchased — and  no  two  alike." 

"And  how  was  the  reconcihation  effected?" 

"It  was  simultaneous,  as  if  there  were  something  fragrant 
and  sweet  left  in  the  atmosphere  that  day  when  our  president 
simply  said  in  her  inimitably  gracious  way,  'The  club  stands 
adjourned.  We  will  now  have  tea.'  As  we  all  stood  around 
chatting  and  drinking  from  the  pretty  little  blue  and  white 
cups,  I  caught  the  eye  of  my  deadly  enemy.  I  smiled,  and  she 
approached  me  saying,  'I  like  your  choice  after  all.  They 
won't  break  so  easily.' " 

"And  you  think  this  air  of  mutual  concession  was  due  to 
the  manners  of  the  president?" 

"Yes,  because  we  had  taken  tea  at  least  a  dozen  times 
under  a  former  one  without  even  bowing  to  each  other." 

"She  must  have  been  like  one  of  the  Delphic  Sybils ;  one 
of  those  women  who  have  been  credited  with  filling  vases 
with  wine  and  roses  to  the  brim,  so  that  the  wine  runs 
over,  filling  the  place  with  perfume  and  inspiring  courtesy. 
I  have  always  noticed  that  mere  conventionalism  humbles 
itself  before  a  person  whose  character  is  a  fountain  of  gen- 
erosity and  truth.  In  the  presence  of  a  woman  with  a  heart 
full  of  real  love  for  other  women,  there  are  new  meanings 
to  every  little  act  of  politeness." 

"Yes  indeed ;  and  before  she  sailed  for  Europe,  in  the 
midst  of  a  series  of  farewell  receptions,  dinners,  luncheons 
and  teas  given  for  her — I  mean  the  Persian  Lady — she  did 
not  fail  in  a  single  thing  she  could  do  that  would  show  her 
appreciation  of  those  who  had  worked  with  her,  and  helped 
her  two  terms  to  be  so  successful.  She  even  gave  an  ele- 
gantly appointed  luncheon  for  the  women  and  girl  newspaper 
reporters  on  the  different  dailies.  Of  course  it  was  hard 
for  them  to  get  the  time  to  go  to  her  house.  If  they  had 
not  liked  her  so  much  they  couldn't  have  put  themselves  out 
as  they  did.     And  if  certain  editors  had  not  known  so  well 


THE    TEA    GROWS    COLD.  47 

of  her  unfailing  courtesy  and  justice  at  all  times  in  her 
press  dealings,  they  would  not  have  spared  them  at  a  busy 
hour." 

"It  was  surely  a  new  form  of  club  etiquette." 

"Yes ;  they  were  all  there  in  pretty  gowns  and  with  no 
visible  note-books  or  pencils,  enjoying  such  a  menu  and  deco- 
rations as  they  had  often  described — without  having  a  chance 
to  do  more." 

"There  will  be  other  luncheons  like  that.  It  was  too 
happy  an  idea  of  the  Persian  Lady's  not  to  be  adopted,  some- 
time, somewhere,  by  other  club  presidents." 

"I  think  so  too.  After  round  upon  round  of  reportorial 
calls,  when,  tired,  faint  and  dizzy  in  their  efforts  for  copy — 
which  some  clubs  make  it  so  hard  for  them  to  get — they  had 
sat  down  in  dingy  office  corners  to  write  up  club  affairs, 
with  hungry  presses  thundering  near " 

"And  for  lack  of  time  to  eat  anything  really  delicious  or 
nourishing  all  day,  quite  as  ravenous  themselves,  yes " 

"They  at  last  ate  a  meal  fit  for  goddesses.  They  had 
artistic  place  cards  done  in  water-color,  with  their  own 
names  on  them,  and  they  brightly  responded  to  toasts,  and 
felt  that  they  were  distinctly  honored." 

"But  did  not  some  of  your  members  say  that  it  was  es- 
tablishing an  undesirable  precedent?  The  press  women  do 
not  have  the  time  for  these  functions,  we  all  know ;  and 
neither  does  the  club  president  always  have  the  finances, 
the  servants,  the  strength,  and  all  that  is  required  for  such 
an  entertainment." 

"Nevertheless,  I  don't  think  it  was  a  bad  precedent.  The 
spirit  of  it  all  will  be  remembered,  even  if  a  simpler  form 
must  be  chosen.  Such  a  thing  might  not  naturally  occur 
oftener  than  once  a  year,  or  once  in  two  years." 

"It  would  be  a  most  cheering  event  to  look  back  upon, 
and  forward  to,  if  the  faithful  reporters  were  in  some  marked 
way  given  more  special  social  attention;  if  it  could  be  ar- 
ranged by  every  club  to  have  their  little  affair  a  regular  one 
among  the  other  annual  gatherings  at  the  close  of  the  club 
season.  In  some  cases  they  are  quite  ignored,  or  treated  like 
mere  automatons." 

"They  seem  to  expect  to  be;  and  although  they  are  often 
really  the  intellectual  superiors  of  the  women  whose  papers 
they  gather  for  accurate  data;  and  far  more  cultured  and 
well-born  than  those  whose  elaborate  functions  they  are 
willing  to  report  in  order  to  make  a  living  for  themselves — 
they  quietly  do  their  work,  and  no  one  ever  sees  them  put 
on  airs  or  hears  from  them  a  word  of  fault.  And  as  for 
politeness  I  do  think  their  manners  are  enviable.     Sweetness, 


48  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

self-forgetfulness,  and  fidelity  to  all  trusts,  are  the  badges 
v/orn  by  these  club  reporters." 

"Might  not  a  good  reporter,  after  proving  herself  in 
every  way  worthy,  be  made  a  complimentary  or  associate 
member  of  the  clubs  she  professionally  visits?" 

"I've  known  such  cases.  It  is  a  fine  thing,  too.  A  sense 
of  loyalty  causes  her  to  be  more  fair  in  her  reports.  She 
often  has  it  in  her  power  to  turn  the  affairs  of  a  club  and 
its  management  into  ridicule.  The  conduct  of  certain  offi- 
cers and  members  is  not  always  as  dignified  as  it  might  be. 
However,  nowadays,  the  reporter  gives  to  the  public  only 
the  facts  she  considers  worth  while.     She  is  very  judicious." 

"Oh,  yes;  the  favorable  light  in  which  the  public  now 
regards  women's  clubs  has  been  largely  influenced  by  the 
tactfully  written  reports  in  the  dailies.  Very  seldom  do  they 
indulge  in  merely  sensational  exposures  of  club  secrets.  When 
they  do  I  think  it  is  because  there  are  flagrant  violations  of 
what  may  be  called  club  etiquette — or  rather  failures  in  the 
attitudes  or  acts  of  justice  and  courtesy,  which  the  club 
should  carefully  observe." 

"A  newspaper  reporter  is  generally  capable  of  finer  writing 
than  she  is  doing." 

"Yes,  I've  observed  that  in  more  than  one  instance.  There- 
fore, as  women's  clubs  aim  at  general  culture,  development, 
and  a  broader  field  of  opportunities  for  women,  intelligent 
reporters  should  sometimes  be  asked  to  prepare  papers  on 
such  subjects  as  they  may  prefer  to  handle." 

"But  the  clubs  are  already  filled  with  women  who  perhaps 
think  they  ought  to  be  asked  to  write  papers." 

"When  writing  or  reading  papers  is  not  exactly  in  their 
line?  Then  they  should  learn  their  own  limitations.  They 
should  be  willing  to  do  what  they  can  do  well,  and  not  reach 
out  too  much  for  the  impossible,  and  unattainable.  Many 
times,  it  seems  to  me,  your  club  women  are  in  danger  of 
cherishing  the  vaulting  ambition  which  o'erleaps  itself  and 
falls.  They  are  too  ready  to  produce  essays  in  which  there 
is  not  the  least  sparkle  of  originality." 

"That's  so;  and  I'm  sure  it  would  be  much  better  if  the 
program  committees  ceased  to  encourage  the  efforts  of 
mediocrity  as  they  do.  Did  I  ever  tell  you  about  poor  Mrs. 
Tryon's  experience?  She  wa&  asked  to  respond  to  a  toast 
at  the  annual  luncheon  on  'The  Essentials  of  the  Essentially 
Essential.'  She  is  naturally  a  witty  little  woman,  but  very 
quiet  and  retiring.  Probably  she  was  expected  to  be  funny. 
Instead  of  that,  she  had  laboriously  attacked  the  subject; 
written  an  essay  in  which  she  attempted  to  be  philosophical 
and  profound;  and  had  sought  to  commit  it  all  to  memory. 


TEA-GROUND  FORTUNES.  49 

She  was  frightened  out  of  her  senses,  could  only  be  heard 
by  those  at  her  elbow,  and  broke  down  in  the  midst  of 
it  all." 

"What  was  the  behavior  of  the  club?" 

"Oh,  shocking!  There  was  a  burst  of  laughter  and  a 
clapping  of  hands." 

"How  did  she  behave?" 

"Oh,  she  cried  like  a  baby." 

"What  followed  then?" 

"Why  of  course  women  rushed  to  her  side,  and  there  had 
to  be  mutual  explanations.  She  was  told  that  The  Essentials 
of  the  Essentially  Essential'  was  of  itself  so  amusing  a 
theme,  that  the  club  thought  it  must  laugh  and  applaud;  and 
that  it  didn't  know  that  she  hacf  forgotten  her  piece;  and, 
not  hearing,  it  did  not  know  that  she  had  been  tragically 
stranded  on  an  island  of  solemnity." 

"Your  story  serves  to  illustrate  two  things  in  women's 
clubs — one  is  the  temptation  for  a  shallow  member  to  go 
beyond  her  depth,  and  the  other  is  the  tendency  to  taKe 
everything   too   seriously." 

"I  believe  you  are  right.  But  I  did  not  mean  to  interrupt 
your  train  of  thought  regarding  newspaper  reporters  or  press 
women.     Proceed." 

"Oh.  I  was  only  going  to  suggest  that,  as  a  matter  of 
extreme  courtesy — a  kindly  recognition  of  their  talents — they 
should  not  always  be  confined  to  the  discussion  of  their  own 
special  work,  as  if  it  were  their  only  resource  or  interest." 

"No,  that  is  so.  How  surprised  I  was  lately  to  hear  that 
stately  Miss  Hunter  of  the  Times,  who  is  always  hunting 
down  society  items,  or  chasing  up  club  news,  learnedly  ex- 
patiating upon  the  beauty  of  Samoan  tapa  cloth;  the  intrica- 
cies of  Chinese  music,  and  other  subjects  upon  which  the 
rest  of  us  knew  nothing.  She  was  not  on  duty  then,  but 
having  a  vacation  of  one  blessed  week,  which  she  surely  de- 
served. Her  accuracy,  and  her  ingratiating  manners  when 
seeking  material  make  her  invaluable  to  the  paper  and  to  the 
clubs." 

"Hasn't  she  a  marvelous  memory  for  names,  and  even 
initials?" 

"Yes;  she  has  to  cultivate  it.  We  all  ought  to.  It's  not 
only  a  part  of  her  *stock  in  trade,'  but  ours  too,  if  we  stop 
to  think." 

"And  when  it  comes  to  celebrities,  I  do  think  Miss  Hunter 
has  great  skill.  She  uses  her  eyes  and  ears  most  attentively, 
and  her  tongue  scarcely  at  all." 

"Ah,  our  clubs  do  enjoy  lionizing  famous  men!  I'm  sure 
they  like  it,  too,  and  as  La  Galliene  says,  fairly  dote  on  *the 
soft,   restless   whisper   of   women's  gowms,   and  the   music   of 


50  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

their  vowelled  voices.'  Frederick  Warde,  for  instance,  de- 
lights in  speaking  to  large  groups  of  women  in  their .  club- 
houses." 

"And  there's  Robert  J.  Burdette,  the  genial  and  ever- 
welcome  guest  of  women's  clubs,  who  feels  so  much  at  home 
talking  to  them  and  with  them,  when  he  travels  all  over  the 
country." 

"Oh,  we  don't  devote  ourselves  exclusively  to  lions;  we 
have  lionesses  also." 

"Most  assuredly  you  do.  A  club  with  a  lioness  on  hand 
from  Boston  or  New  York,  if  it  is  a  western  club,  or  from 
California  if  it  is  an  eastern  one,  is  all  a-quiver.  Some  time 
when  I  visit  one  of  your  clubs  I  expect  to  be  told  by  some 
one  'There's  a  lady  here  from  Denver.     She  is  a  prominent 

club  member  who  knows  Mrs.  intimately — the  woman 

who  carried  her  ideas  of  courtesy  so  far  as  to  refuse  the  Fede- 
ration Presidency  because  the  Biennial  was  held  in  her  city.' 
Just  to  meet  the  woman  who  knows  such  a  woman  will  sug- 
gest politeness  as  an  affirmative  force." 

"And  did  she,  or  did  she  not  exaggerate  the  requirements 
of  true  hospitality  in  this  instance?" 

"You  ask  if  I  think  the  lady  from  Denver  carried  her  ideas 
of  justice  and  courtesy  too  far  in  refusing  the  Presidential 
nomination,  because,  when  it  was  tendered  her  the  Biennial 
was  being  held  in  her  own  city.  If  that  was  her  reason  it 
was  surely  a  noble  exhibition  of  courtesy.  As  for  justice, 
I  might  quote  from  Thackeray, — 'who  ever  accused  women  of 
being  just?  They  are  always  sacrificing  themselves,  or  some- 
body, for  somebody  else's  sake.' " 


V 

TEA-GROUND   FORTUNES. 

"Sometimes  club  women  are  careful  about  telling  each 
other  things  for  fear  of  getting  into  trouble,  or  having  the 
appearance  of  being  gossips,  when  they  do  not  hesitate  to 
talk  freely  with  an  outsider." 

"Is  that  so?  Well — not  belonging  to  the  inner  circle, 
you  may  get  hold  of  many  things  that  I  do  not.  Now  if 
there  is  anything  I  don't  like  to  lose  it's  club  gossip — of  the 
harmless  kind,  I  mean." 

"Of  course  you'll  promise  not  to  tell?" 

"Never ;  oh,  my  husband  might  be  interested." 

"But  he  might  tell." 

"Was  a  husband  ever  known  to  tell  his  wife's  club  se- 
crets? I'm  sure  mine  never  does.  But  he  is  the  soul  of  dis- 
cretion." 

"H — ^m;  out  of  300  women  at  least  250  get  home  from 
the  club  and  relate  to  as  many  men  every  detail  of  its 
affairs,  and  give  out  personal  opinions  and  private  impres- 
sions that  would  shock  a  whole  community  from  center  to 
circumference,  if  the  husbands  were  not  so  trustworthy.  Yes, 
I  believe  you  are  right.  There  is  always  this  pent-qp  volcano 
of  information,  but  it  keeps  perfectly  quiet,  and  may  be  safe 
enough." 

"I  interrupted  you.     Proceed." 

"You  don't  know  how  much  your  frequent  use  of  the 
word  'proceed'  amuses  me." 

"It  means  that  I  am  not  only  prone  to  talk,  but  listen." 

"I  can  say  the  same.  Perhaps  I  am  more  like  that  char- 
acter in  one  of  Stockton's  stories  who  was  willing  to  pay 
some  one  for  listening  to  him." 

"Yes,  but  I   talk  too,  most  glibly,  at  intervals.     Go  on." 

"A  friend  of  mine  who  is  now  in  Hong  Kong  once  told 
me  an  experience  that  I  think  I  can  relate  to  you  without 
betraying  her  confidence.  She  invited  to  her  house  a  woman 
whom  I  will  call  Mrs.  John  Jenkins." 

"That  shows  that  her  husband  is  alive.  If  you  called  her 
Jenny  Wren  Jenkins  I  would  know  he  was  not." 

"See  how  much  better  it  will  be  when  society  generally, 
after  your  club  starts  it,  adopts  our  way  of  using  names." 

"I  may  not  be  able  to  place  Mrs.  John  Jenkins,  even  if  I 
do  know  that  she  is  not  a  widow,  which,  however,  is  one 
clue  to  her  present  status." 


5^  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

"I  was  going  to  say  that  my  friend  felt  acquainted  with 
her  because  she  was  the  president  of  her  favorite  club — 
the  Tuesday  Morning.  She  had  seen  her  and  heard  her  at 
every  meeting  for  a  year  or  more.  She  had  been  introduced 
to  her  at  a  Tuesday  Morning's  Saturday  afternoon  tea." 

"These  Wednesday  Afternoon  Club's  Thursday  evenings, 
or  Thursday  Morning's  Monday  afternoon  teas  are  supposed 
to  promote  and  facilitate  social  relations,  you  know." 

"Yes,  and  my  friend  had  so  much  appreciated  the  genial 
smiles  and  pretty  gowns  of  Mrs.  John  Jenkins,  the  president, 
when  she  got  near  enough  to  her  one  day  to  see  her  sip  a 
cup  of  tea,  that  she  went  home  singing  her  praises  enthu- 
siastically. Again  when  she  saw  her  nibbling  a  wafer  that 
she  had  the  pleasure  of  passing,  as  instructed  by  the  chair- 
man of  the  refreshment  committee,  she  began  to  think  she 
knew  her  quite  well.  Meeting  her  on  the  street  a  few  days 
later  she  flattered  herself  that  Mrs.  John  Jenkins  gave  her 
a  very  slight  nod  of  semi-recognition.  She  more  and  more 
longed  to  have  the  president  know  how  much  she  admired 
her.  She  thought  of  writing  a  letter  and  telling  her  how 
rapidly  she  was  acquiring  an  easy,  dignified  manner  of  pre- 
siding, and  how  proud  the  whole  club  was  of  its  chief  rep- 
resentative. But  she  refrained,  and  let  concealment  do  as  it 
would  with  her  cheek.  It  did  not  prey  upon  it  very  long 
as  she  was  so  active.  By  and  by  a  reception  list  loomed 
before  her.  She  saw  her  opportunity  to  let  the  popular  presi- 
dent into  her  own  and  other  women's  admiration  secrets, 
and  in  fact  almost  love-secrets.  She  would  send  her  an  in- 
vitation." 

"A  formal  one,  I  suppose  ?'[ 

"Yes,  only  her  engraved  visiting  card,  with  a  date  and 
an  at-home  written  on  it." 

"Under  certain  circumstances  quite  proper,  but  only  under 
certain  circumstances,  perhaps  you'll   decide." 

"What  would  make  it  proper  or  improper  we  have  not 
yet  fully  determined." 

"Alas,  too  true." 

"My  friend  looked  forward  eagerly  to  the  day  when  so 
many  club  women  at  her  house  would  meet  each  other,  and 
her  non-club  acquaintances,  too.  Here  is  a  point  for  you  to 
note.  It  was  to  be  quite  general,  not  a  reception  confined  to 
club  women." 

"I  see." 

"But  all,  my  friend  well  knew,  would  be  delighted  to  meet 
the  popular  club  president;  they  would  pay  her  the  special 
attentions  she  so  richly  deserved." 

"And  to  which  all  normal  human  beings  are  more  or  less 
susceptible.     Proceed." 


TEA-GROUND  FORTUNES.  53 

"My  friend  wished  that  Mrs.  John  Jenkins  had  called 
upon  her.  But  she  was  made  comfortable,  in  a  sense,  by 
her  husband's  remark  that  he  knew  her  husband  a  little  at 
his  club.  By  addressing  the  diminutive  envelope  to  the 
club-house,  which  plainly  sliowed  that  she  did  not  mean  to 
trespass  upon  any  personal  or  private  habitat,  she  really  felt, 
at  the  last,  that  she  was  doing  a  proper  thing  in  a  proper 
way." 

"No  lingering  doubts?" 

"I  can  not  say,  but  I  think  she  had  made  up  her  mind 
that  she  was  paying  Mrs.  John  Jenkins  a  distinct  honor." 

"And  she  certainly  was,  too." 

"However,  Mrs.  John  Jenkins  did  not  appear;  did  not 
send  her  card;  did  not  call;  did  not  seem  to  see  her  when, 
later  at  the  club,  they  met  face  to  face." 

"What  did  your  friend  do?'' 

"What  could  she  do  ?" 

"Nothing^ — simply  nothing." 

"But  she  did.  She  was  a  person  of  high  family;  of  de- 
cidedly aristocratic  feelings ;  and  besides  all  that,  she  was  a 
lover  of  courtesy  and  justice.  She  wished  to  place  herself 
right.  So  she  asked  a  well-known  club  woman  to  please  in- 
troduce her  to  Mrs.  John  Jenkins." 

"Go  on,  go  on;   Fm  much  interested." 

"Mrs.  John  Jenkins  was  not  effusive,  but  sufficiently  po- 
lite. My  friend  asked  pleasantly,  ^Madame  President,  did  you 
receive  my  invitation?'  *Yes,'  she  said,  *oh  yes.'  'Perhaps  I 
owe  you  an  apology,'  said  my  friend,  pausing.  No  answer 
being  made,  she  continued,  *I  thought  it  might  have  been 
lost.  I  felt  as  if  I  knew  you,  and  I  really  wanted  to  have 
you  at  my  reception.  I  invited  you  officially  you  understand. 
You  are  an  old  resident,  while  I  have  lived  here  a  much 
shorter  time.  Possibly  I  have  violated  one  of  the  strict 
rules  that  are  supposed  to  govern  our  social  life.  Anyway  I 
feel  like  explaining  my  position  to  you.  I  do  not  know  what 
club  etiquette  is  in  these  cases.     I  would  be  glad  to  know.' " 

"And  then  what  happened?" 

"Very  amiably  and  smilingly  the  popular  president  re- 
sponded, 'Yes,  we  would  all  be  glad  to  know  just  what  club 
etiquette  is,'  and  she  gracefully  sailed  down  the  aisle,  and 
ascended  the  platform  to  call  the  club  to  ord'er." 

"When  really  the  club  might  better  have  called  her  to 
order." 

"We  are  not  so  sure  about  that." 

"Wihy  how  easy  it  would  have  been  to  make  your  friend 
feel  more  comfortable,  by  expressing  some  regret." 

"Yes;   but  I  think  Mrs.  John  Jenkins   was  sincere." 


54  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

"She  was  painfully  and  almost  brutally  impolite;  that's 
what  she  was." 

"I  think  your  club  officers  often  do  carry  sincerity  too 
far.  That  is  they  discriminate  too  plainly  in  greeting  or 
talking  to  members;  they  should  preserve  the  uniform  cour- 
tesy of  a  hostess  who  treats  all  guests  alike  in  public.  But 
we  are  not  through  with  Mrs.  John  Jenkins." 

"Oh,  I  thought  we  were.  Was  she  finally  'churched?'  I 
mean  clubbed?" 

"She  did  not,  for  some  reason,  want  to  go  to  my  friend's 
house.    Perhaps  she  did  not  care  to  establish  a  precedent." 

"She  managed  the  whole  matter  without  showing  either 
justice  or  courtesy.     I  think  her   conduct  was   abominable." 

"I  thought  so  for  a  time.  But  lately,  since  I've  given 
some  attention  to  this  subject  of  club  etiquette,  I  have  sus- 
pended judgment." 

"You  are  in  doubt;  you  don't  conclude  anything;  your 
mind  still  only  gravitates." 

^  "Yes,   toward   the  center.     I   want   to  get  at  the   core   of 
this  whole  club  idea." 

"When  you  formulate  that  code  for  us  will  it  put  Mrs. 
John  Jenkins  in  a  better  light?" 

"Perhaps  it  will,  though  we  can  see  that  in  this  instance 
she  lacked  genuine  politeness — a  perception  of  those  minute 
things  which  occasion  pleasure  or  pain." 

"She  was  not  obliged  to  accept  the  invitation.  That  we 
admit,  of  course.  But  as  it  was  sent  to  the  club-house  she 
might  have  had  the  secretary  acknowle'dge  it -" 

"Is  it  the  duty  of  club  secretaries  to  do  such  things  for 
the  president?  This  was  not  a  club  reception,  remember; 
it  was  a  general  function,  having  more  or  less  of  the  social 
elements  of  the  club,  but  just  as  many  that  were  foreign 
to  it." 

"Well,  haven't  you  a  single  suggestion  to  offer  as  to  what 
Mrs.  Jenkins  might  have  done,  or  any  other  club  president 
might  do  in  such  a  case?" 

"If  clubs,  in  time,  agree  that  my  system  is  fairly  good, 
and  ought  to  be  widely  observed,  there  will  be  no  such  cases 
by  and  by." 

"You  have  nothing  more  to  say,  then,  about  Mrs.  John 
Jenkins  ?" 

"Yes;  although  she  was  at  the  head  of  a  large  club,  she 
herself  entertained  only  the  same  old  clique  outside  of  it, 
and  chiefly  made  up  of  non-members  like  myself.  Her  calling 
list  was  no  longer  than  before.  She  never  in  the  slightest 
way  united  her  club  life,  or  her  club  sociability  and  her 
societv  life." 


TEA-GROUND  FORTUNES.  55 

"But  as  long  as  other  women  did,  and  still  do  make  club 
and  society  affairs  interchangeable,  I  think  there  ought  to 
be  a  more  general  understanding  on  their  part  as  to  whether 
such  a  position  as  hers  is  justifiable  or  not." 

"I  agree  with  you ;  there  are  two  sides  to  every  question, 
or,  we  may  say  two  questions  in  this  case.  Was  it  proper 
for  my  friend,  as  a  club  woman,  to  ask  a  president  with  whom 
she  had  no  personal  acquaintance,  to  attend  a  general  recep- 
tion at  her  house?  The  fact  that  she  admired  her,  and  kn€w 
that  others  did ;  and  that  such  popular  leaders  are  always 
'drawing  cards,'  in  common  parlance;  and  that  she  honestly 
wanted  to  make  Mrs.  John  Jenkins  even  more  widely  popu- 
lar; and  to  make  Mrs.  John  Jenkins  just  as  happy  as  possible 
from  3  until  5  o'clock  on  a  certain  afternoon,  does  not,  in 
my  opinion,  make  it  proper.  It  was  not  a  club  reception.  My 
friend,  with  none  but  the  purest  motives,  did  take  advantage 
of  her  club  membership.  Any  other  woman  whom  she  liked 
just  as  well,  but  who  had  not  called  upon  her  or  shown  her 
any  special  attention,  would  not  have  been  invited." 

"No ;  of  course  not." 

"Now  for  Mrs.  John  Jenkins'  position.  She  was  president 
of  a  large  club.  I  think  its  membership  was  500.  She  had  her 
social  affiliations  outside  of  it.  But  she  could  not,  even  if  she 
had  desired,  open  the  club  doors  to  any  and  all  friends. 
The  club  is  a  close  corporation.  But  suppose  that  nearly 
all  of  the  500  members  had,  during  her  term,  opened  their 
private  doors  to  her,  hoping  to  proudly  introduce  her  to 
troops  of  wom-en  whom  she  really  had  no  time,  and  no  in- 
clination to  know.  Wouldn't  they  be  placing  her  in  an  em- 
barrassing predicament,  from  the  first,  if  they  expected  at- 
tendance, or,  following  non-attendance,  cards,  calls  and  ex- 
planatory or  apologetic  remarks?  When  she  said  that  she, 
too,  would  like  to  know  what  club  etiquette  is,  her  side  of 
the  question   was   slightly   reflected." 

"You  have  spoken  of  the  propriety  of  asking  a  whole 
board,  or  all  the  officers  in  a  body,  as  being  proper.  Now 
this  feature  of  club  life  is  getting  more  and  more  observable. 
Might  not  such  attentions  spread,  until  between  four  and 
five  hundred  hostesses  extended  such  invitations?  Officers 
and  directors  might  finally  conduct  themselves,  or  miscon- 
duct themselves,  just  as  Mrs.  John  Jenkins  did." 

"All  these  points  have  been  perplexing  me.  I  want  to 
ask  you  if  there  is  as  great  harmony  in  clubs  nowadays,  when 
there  are  so  many  board  luncheons;  affairs  in  honor  of  the 
officers;  luncheons  in  honor  of  the  president,  etc.,  in  which 
only  a  very  few  members,  comparatively,  take  part,  as  there 
used  to  be  when  they  seldom  occurred." 


56  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

"Vm  sure  there  are  no  signs  of  decreasing  club  harmony 
anywhere." 

"But  do  not  these  semi-private  club  entertainments  create 
envy,  and  jealousy,  and  discontent?  There  are  many  who, 
like  Glory  McQuirk,  must  think,  *0h,  such  good  times,  but 
I  ain't  in  'em!' " 

"In  the  widest  sense  they  certainly  do  not  cause  discon- 
tent. On  the  contrary,  the  majority  of  club  members  take  it 
for  granted  that  they  are  not  entitled  to  be  in  all  such  good 
times.  The  expense  incurred  is  always  met  by  the  indi- 
viduals rather  than  by  the  club.  If  these  mutual-admiration 
groups  want  to  get  off  in  a  corner  sometimes  by  themselves, 
it  is  considered  proper,  and  that  their  pleasure  is  legitimate." 

"This  welcome  information  from  you  advances  me  an- 
other step  toward  my  conclusions.  Club  life  has  had  a  won- 
derfully broadening  influence  upon  women.  It  has  taught 
them  to  despise  such  traits  as  envy  and  petty  jealousy;  to 
live  and  let  live,  or  enjoy  and  let  enjoy,  and  to  take  unselfish 
delight    in    the   general  good." 

"I  wish  you  would  utter  these  praises  publicly.  I  wish 
you   would   speak  sometimes  at  club  meetings." 

"I  have  had  no  training,  and  my  voice  would  not  rise 
above  a  whisper,  I  am  so  timid.  But  I  believe  in  women's 
clubs,  with  all  my  heart." 

"And  you  would  be  one  of  us  if  we  had  fixed  rules  of  be- 
havior as  well  as  parliamentary  laws !" 

"I  have  not  said  so.  But  I  have  said  that,  with  my  tem- 
perament, and  as  members  now  manage  or  mismanage  the 
matter  of  calls,  or  no  calls,  invitations,  or  no  invitations,  and 
all  that  is  implied,  I  should  meet  too  many  complications,  and 
I  should  not  have  the  time,  nor  strength,  nor  wisdom  I  would 
need,  in  order  to  be  a  consistent  club  woman." 

"I  can  hardly  understand  such  extreme  conscientious- 
ness." 

"Can  you  not  see  that  with  my  circle  too  large,  and  my 
obligations  too  numerous  already,  I  would  have  to  be  like 
Mrs.  John  Jenkins  if  I  joined  even  one  club?" 

"You  mean  that  you  would  have  to  cut  short  all  ad- 
vances of  members  wishing  to  cultivate  your  acquaintance?" 

"Beyond  club  limits — yes." 

"But  you  would  not  imitate  her  methods  of  doing  so?" 

"I  should  try  to  be  more  kind,  but  even  then  I  might  cause 
some  pain." 

"Yes,  because  all  are  not  as  independent  as  you  are; 
many  women  are  lonely,  and  have  a  very  small  sphere  and 
uneventful  weeks,  and  they  have  to  rely  upon  their  clubs 
for  any  social  variety." 


TEA-GROUND  FORTUNES.  57 

"I  could  perhaps  do  my  part  in  the  club-house,  but  as  it 
is  now,  when  there  is  so  much  exacted  of  us  all  anyway, 
the  unsatisfied  demands  of  the  lonely  club  sisters  would  de- 
press me.  I  should  have  nervous  prostration  if  I  entered  the 
crowded  arena  of  clubdom  and  kept  getting  deeper  and  deeper 
into  that  awful  maelstrom  of  duty-visits." 

"You  take  it  all  too  seriously,  my  dear." 

"Perhaps  I  do,  but  I  can  not  help  it." 

"While  the  hunger  for  companionship  must  be  appeased, 
we  must  all  be  discriminating  and  economical  of  our  forces. 
You  know  what  Emerson  says  in  regard  to  visits  and  a 
certain  prescribed  limit — 'That  every  well-dressed  lady  or 
gentleman  should  be  at  liberty  to  exceed  ten  minutes  in  his 
or  her  serious  call  on  serious  people,  shows  a  civilization  still 
rude.'" 

"But  short  calls  are  unsatisfactory.  I  like  to  make  long 
ones;  stay  until  the  hunger  you  speak  of  goes  and  I  feel  as  if 
nourished." 

"So  do  I,  but  about  twice  a  year  I  have  to  make  a  round 
of  five-minute  calls,  or  I  could  never  catch  up." 

"You  could  if  there  were  some  central  place  where  women 
met  simply  to  exchange  visits?" 

"Oh  yes,  what  a  saving  of  time  and  energy !" 

"It  might  be  managed — a  calling  centre,  and  women  who 
are  not  intimate  friends  would  never  be  expected  to  enter 
each  other's  houses  at  all,  unless  on  business,  or  when  specially 
invited." 

"Was   such  a  thing  ever  attempted?" 

"Not  that  I  know  of." 

"And  have  you  thought  it  all  out — this  new  calling  sys- 
tem?" 

"Not  in  every  practical  detail.  But  my  mind  still  gravi- 
tates toward  an  original  idea.  It  might  be  worked  out  first 
in  women's  clubs.  After  a  time  there  might  be  a  national 
understanding,  at  least,  fixing  the  iron  limit  not  only  to 
our  social  relations,  but  to  our  time  in  giving  or  receiving 
visits.  Even  Presidents  of  the  United  States  come  to  realize 
and  act  upon  an  unwritten  law  of  social  relations — there 
rnust  be  no  trespassing  either  upon  the  time  of  the  indi- 
vidual or  the  time,  we  may  say,  of  the  nation  itself.  The 
immeasurable  demands  of  the  gossip  must  be  almost  rudely 
and  ruthlessly  cut  off.  In  all  our  movements  we  must  con- 
sider the  bases  of  civil  and  polite  society,  namely,  refined  and 
elegant  manners,  high  ideals  of  conduct,  pure  and  ennobling 
thoughts,  intelligent  conversation  and  due  respect  to  the 
feelings,  sentiments,  time,  aims  and  the  social  attainments  of 
those  about  us.  There  may  be  much  to  mend  in  the  man- 
ners  of  the  American   people,   but   there   is   much   to   praise, 


58  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

and  there  is  much  for  foreigners  to  emulate  in  the  peculiar 
methods  by  which  Americans  are  gradually  reaching  the  ideal 
of  true   companionship   in   their   social   relations." 

"I  see  that  you  are  still  thinking  of  the  evolution  of  calls." 

"Yes;  from  any  day  to  a  fixed  weekly  day;  then  a  fixed 
monthly  day ;  then  general  efforts  to  maKC  an  exchange  of 
cards  the  substitute  for  personal  visits  until,  finally,  there  is 
a  really  national  desire  to  put  some  such  high  meaning  into 
calls  that,  excepting  in  one's  neighborhood,  it  would  be  per- 
missible never  to  make  them  at  all  without  some  definite  end 
in   view." 

"Excepting  also,  you  mean,  at  the  calling  centre  you  men- 
tioned." 

"Yes,  if  women  wanted  to  idle  away  a  few  hours  in 
pleasantly  chatting  with  each  other  about  everything  in  gen- 
eral, and  nothing  in  particular,  they  could  go  there.  It  would 
always  be  open  on  calling  day." 

"Any  woman's  club-house — yes.  And  it  always  has  easy 
chairs,  soft  lights,  cosy  corners,  sofa  pillows,  etc.  On  the 
day  of  general  meetings  it  is  much  used  in  this  way,  but  for 
lack  of  time  the  miscellaneous  visiting  has  to  be  abandoned 
for  the  program  of  exercises." 

"On  the  club's  calling  days  a  woman  would  be  just  as  apt 
to  meet  the  one  she  wanted  to  call  upon  there,  as  she  would 
to  find  her  at  home.     The  chances  would  be  better." 

"Yes,  but  how  would  one  know  whether  a  woman  sat 
there  calling  on  some  one,  or  was  being  called  upon?" 

"Oh,  such  things  would  adjust  themselves." 

"And  whom  would  it  be  proper  to  call  upon  under  this 
club  system?" 

"The  club  members  in  choosing  a  list  would  want  to  call 
upon  those  who  joined  after  they  did." 

"Regardless  of  the  time  of  residence  in  the  place?" 

"Not  always." 

"But  generally  they  would  consider  each  other  only  in  the 
light  of  membership  of  the  same  club  or  clubs,  no  matter 
how  long  or  how  short  a  time  either  had  lived  in  the  town 
or  city." 

"Yes." 

"What  would  constitute  a  call?" 

"There  would  be  messengers,  ushers,  maids  or  other  chosen 
parties  to  take  a  caller's  card  to  the  party  she  wished  to  see, 
and  if  present  at  that  time,  and  ready  to  talk  with  her,  word 
would  be  given  to  that  efifect ;  the  bearer  of  the  message  would 
at  the  same  moment  hand  to  her  the  card  of  the  person  to  be 
called  upon,  which  would  be  equivalent  to  a  return  of  her 
visit." 

"Well — if  that  wouldn't  simplify  the  whole  matter!" 


TEA-GROUND  FORTUNES.  59 

"Yes;  one  call  of  sufficient  length  to  be  mutually  agree- 
able, and  the  exchange  of  the  two  cards,  would  be  supposed 
to  establish  a  social  relation  between  the  two  members. 
Either  party  could,  with  propriety,  consider  the  acquaintance 
freed  from  all  impediments,  and  invite  the  other  to  the  club 
functions  in  homes  without  being  criticised." 

"How  about  the  officers  and  directors,  upon  whom  so 
many  would  wish  to  call?  Or  how  about  the  members  who 
would  feel  slighted  if  all  the  leaders  did  not  take  advantage 
of  such  easy  opportunities  and  call  upon  them?" 

"Your  first  question  is  readily  answered.  There  is  gen- 
erally a  public  reception  for  the  incoming  officers  and  board. 
The  members  who  assemble  to  meet  them  hand  in  their  cards 
at  the  door  as  they  enter;  they  are  introduced  and  their  duty 
is  done.  They  have  been  called  upon  in  the  only  way  re- 
quired or  desirable,  for  they  are  or  will  be  too  busy  for 
miscellaneous  visiting  during  their  term  of  office." 

"Yes,  this  is  even  now,  a  generally  accepted  custom." 

"Now  about  the  slights.  If  I  understand  the  average 
charitable  club  woman  of  today,  and  I  think  I  do,  she  would 
not  expect  too  much  of  the  club-workers,  even  when  calling 
was  made  so  easy." 

"That  is  true.  The  class  of  fault-finders  I  spoke  of  a 
few  moments  ago,  is  decidedly  in  the  minority.  Few  would 
mind  it  if  they  went  to  the  club-house,  on  calling  day,  and  no 
one  asked  for  them  at  all;  for  the  present  habit  of  reading 
while  waiting,  or  of  chatting  with  friends  who  pass  in 
and  out  would  still  prevail;  or  they  would  themselves  be 
mjtking  club  calls,  and  no  time  on  calling  day  would  then 
be  lost." 

"You  enter  most  thoroughly  into  the  spirit  of  this  new 
system,  I  am  happy  to  see." 

"Are  you  going  to  advocate  it,  or  are  you  only  experi- 
menting on  me?" 

"Oh,  it's  like  all  the  rest  of  our  preliminary  conversa- 
tion. I'm  glad,  however,  that  you  think  such  a  partial  solu- 
tion of  the  visiting  question  is  worth  considering." 

"An  accumulation  of  calling  debts  would  be  paid  the  very 
first  day  the  system  was  tried." 

"No  doubt  of  it;  for  all  women  are  in  such  arrears.  You 
have  read  Barry's  Tillyloss  Scandal?  *Ye'll  be  none  the  bet- 
ter though  she  does  call,'  Haggart  used  to  say,  to  which 
Christy's  inhuman  answer  was,  'Maybe  no;  but  'twill  make 
every  other  woman  in  Tillyloss  miserable.' " 

"None  would  be  made  miserable  in  the  clubs.  I  think 
general  good- will  and  sociability  would  be  greatly  heightened 
on  all  sides." 

"Your  enthusiasm  pleases  me." 


6o  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

"And  your  suggestion  pleases  me.  I  want  to  see  some- 
thing done  about  it  right  away.  Why,  I  could  call  on  ten 
women  in  one  afternoon,  at  the  club-house;  and  I  have  a  list 
of  new  members  who  are  strangers,  but  who  brought  letters 
from  other  clubs  and " 

"You  do  not  say  proceed,  but  I  will  do  so.  There  was  a 
time  when  a  stranger,  permanently  moving  to  or  temporarily 
sojourning  in  a  town  or  city,  had  to  become  more  or  less 
identified  with  some  church,  in  order  to  make  congenial  ac- 
quaintances or  substantial  friends.  Nowadays  it  is  quite 
common  to  find  women  presenting  their  club  credentials,  in 
order  to  get  well  started  where  they  belong,  socially,  in  a  new 
place.  In  fact,  the  undenominational,  unsectarian  lines  of 
the  popular  clubs  make  speedily  possible  a  broad  and  saTis- 
factory  social  introduction,  which  it  otherwise  would  take 
years  to  effect." 

"And  as  a  non-member  you  have  observed  all  this.  The 
strength  of  the  'Sorosis'  of  New  York  and  San  Francisco, 
the  'Woman's  Club,'  so-named,  in  Chicago,  Milwaukee,  In- 
dianapolis, Denver  and  scores  of  other  cities,  and  the  Ebell 
and  Friday  Morning  Clubs  in  Los  Angeles  are  too  well  known 
to  need  comment.  They  have  all  led  in  brilliant  social  func- 
tions. What  receptions  tO'  foreign  and  American  diplomats, 
politicians,  literary  celebrities,  dramatic  stars,  home  returning 
warriors;  indeed,  how  meaningless  much  of  the  social  life 
of  the  country  would  be  today  were  it  not  for  women's 
clubs.  They  stand,  par  excellence,  for  better  impersonality, 
for  a  complete  diffusion  of  individualities,  and  for  the  very 
best  social  relations." 

"Yes ;  it  is  all  true.  Every  home  feels  somewhat  the 
stimulating  atmosphere  of  women's  clubs.  From  the  wife, 
the  mother,  the  daughter,  the  sister  of  every  man,  of  their 
guests,  perhaps,  for  a  dinner  or  a  day,  there  emanate  the 
intellectual  sparkle,  the  fresh  thought,  the  social  ozone  which 
belong  only  to  those  modern  women  who  congregate  for  mu- 
tual pleasure,  and  for  manifold  purposes  of  self-improvement. 
This  fact  can  not  be  disputed.  All  the  American  homes  of 
today,  whose  owners  represent  the  class  mentioned,  are  liable 
to  be  invaded'  at  certain  times  by  the  club  woman's  ideas, 
whether  they  will  it  to  be  so  or  not.  In  social  relations,  the 
club  in  America  today,  means  more  than  the  church." 

"How  many  clubs  do  you  belong  to?" 

"Only  four  at  present." 

"I  met  a  woman  from  New  York,  not  long  ago,  who  said 
she  belonged  to  twenty-three." 

"I  don't  see  how  she  could  ever  get  any  time  to^  write 
letters;  to  cultivate  the  acquaintance  of  her  own  family,  or 


TEA-GROUND  FORTUNES.  6i 

any  persons  outside  of  clubs.  Was  she  one  of  the  women 
who  goes  to  clubs  to  talk,  or  to  hear?  There  are  two 
classes." 

"I  judged  she  was  one  of  those  who  hasn't  the  courage  to 
second  a  motion,  or  move  to  adjourn.  She  was  very  quiet  and 
unassuming.  I  wondered  what  had  induced  her  to  join  so 
many  clubs.     Fm  wondering  still." 

"One  club  of  its  kind  is  enough  for  any  woman,  I  sup- 
pose; but  my  clubs  are  not  at  all  alike.  Really,  if  I  had  not 
made  so  many  acquaintances  outside  of  them,  to  begin  with, 
I  would  limit  my  calling  list  to  a  few  near  neighbors,  and 
those  persons  that,  under  the  visiting  system  of  the  future 
in  the  club-house,  I  could  so  easily  reach.  And  this  would 
give  me  all  the  society  desired.  I  never  had  my  cup  so  full 
of  tea-grounds  as  it  is  today.  Have  you  the  key  to  un- 
lock all  those  strange  hieroglyphics?     Just  see  them!" 

"Oh,  yes ;  and  how  fascinating  they  are ;  perhaps  you 
didn't  know  that  I  am  an  expert;  and  that,  like  Cassandra,  I 
am  endowed  with  the  gift  of  penetration.  Those  grounds 
are  irresistible.  They  kindle  prophetic  fires  in  my  brain. 
Now " 

"Let  me  see  yours." 

"There's  not  a  single  speck.     I  seem  to  have  no  future." 

"That's  because  you  are  not  a  club  woman !" 

"Granted.  Pass  your  tea  cup,  dear,  and  let  me  tell  your 
club  fortune." 

"Why,  you  look  as  if  you  had  some  kind  of  a  vision !" 

"I  believe  I  have.  But  I'll  not  allow  my  imagination  to 
run  riot.  I  shall  confine  my  remarks  strictly  to  what  the 
tea-grounds  foretell." 

"You  appear  to  be  positively  serious." 

"Of  course  I  am.  Concentration  is  absolutely  necessary. 
All  the  questions  suggested  by  our  conversation  stand  before 
my  mind's  eye,  and  opposite  them  are  our  answers  to  ajl  but 
one.  To  fill  in  that,  I  will  consult  the  depths  of  your  cup, 
which  seems  to  you  to  hold  only  straggling  grounds,  but  to 
me  a  meaningful  design." 

"How  very  solemn  you  are.  But  proceed.  I  am  all  at- 
tention." 

"Now  listen — I  see  you  standing  on  the  platform  at  y?5ur 
club-house." 

"Very  good;  I'm  to  have  a  paper  there  next  month;  any 
subject  I  wish;  haven't  begun  it  yet;  feel  relieved." 

"The  room  is  thronged  with  women  who  represent  every 
degree  of  curiosity,  skepticism,  amusement  and  polite  won- 
der. They  think  that  you  are  going  to  lay  before  them  an 
elaborate,  formulated  system  of  club  etiquette,  as  tTiat  is  the 
subject  announced." 


62  CLUB    ETIQUETTE. 

"Now  let  me  turn  the  cup  three  times,  and  cross  it  with 
silver." 

"Oh,  no " 

"Yes,  yes;  that's  the  way  my  great-aunt  used  to  do.  Now 
I  have  wished.  There;  proceed.  What  do  you  see  in  the 
cup?" 

"I  behold,  as  in  a  perfect  revelation,  the  summary  of  our 
heterogeneous  talk,  which  I  had  supposed  it  would  take  a 
long  time   to  prepare." 

"The  strong  tea,  no  doubt,  has  stimulated  you." 

"I  drain  the  cup.  Each  ground  keeps  its  place,  and  is  as 
fixed  as  if  it  were  giving  me  the  laws  of  the  Medes  and 
Persians.  I  will  submit  the  rules  as  they  manifest  themselves. 
They  relate  only  to  calling,  which  you  and  I  have  agreed  is 
the  fundamental  basis  of  the  social  life  of  womankind.  It  is 
the  only  problem  we  have  failed  to  elucidate  somewhat  to 
our  satisfaction." 

"Not  entirely  to  mine.  I  would  like  further  and  general 
discussion  at  different  clubs.     But  proceed." 

"Very  well,  but  first  let  me  suggest  that  Herbert  Spencer 
might  be  your  best  authority.  He  says  that  'A  right  rule  of 
conduct  must  be  one  which  may  with  advantage  be  adopted 
by  all.' " 

"Yes;  but  what  do  the  tea-grounds  say?" 

"I  am  glad  to  report  to  you  on  the  one  primal  thing: 


A    CLUB   CALLING    SYSTEM 

1.  Every  club  having  a  membership  sufficiently  large 
to  own  its  club-house,  or  to  have  a  regular  place  of  meeting, 
should  institute  a  calling  system. 

2.  There  should  be  one  calling  day  or  more  each  month. 

3.  At  the  club  meeting  preceding  the  day  fixed,  members 
who  wish  to  receive  in  the  club-house  on  that  day  should 
register  in  a  book,  or  on  slips  of  paper  alphabetically  ar- 
ranged, stating  the  hours  on  which  they  may  be  found  there. 
Or  this  could  be  done  during  the  week,  or  on  the  day  itself. 

4.  On  arriving  at  the  club-house  those  who  are  receiv- 
ing should  remove  their  hats  and  take  seats  wherever  they 
may  be  disposed,  in  the  library,  parlor  or  auditorium.  They 
should  be  provided  with  cards. 

5.  There  should  be  in  the  club-house  one  person,  or  more 
if  so  decided,  to  receive  the  card  or  cards  of  a  certain  lady, 
who  wishes  to  call  upon  one  or  more  of  those  who  have 
registered. 

6.  As  each  lady  who  wishes  to  call  upon  others  arrives, 
she  should  consult  the  register.  She  should  then  give  her 
card  to  the  attendant  to  take  to  the  person  upon  whom  she 
wishes  to  call.  Her  husband's  card  should  not  accompany 
it,  unless  she  is  paying  a  dinner  or  reception  call  and  he 
was  also  invited. 

7.  The  attendant  should  find  the  person  desired  and  leave 
the  card,  getting  her  card  to  return  to  the  caller.  This  card 
would  serve  a  double  purpose — that  of  informing  the  caller 
that  she  wished  to  see  her,  and  that  of  being  equivalent  to  a 
return  visit. 

8.  Upon  seeing  or  meeting  the  other  club  members, 
whether  receiving  or  calling,  the  manners  of  all  should  be 
cordial  and  genial,  as  at  the  regular  meetings.  But  any 
miscellaneous  visiting  that  might  be  done  would  not  take 
the  place  of  calhng.  There  should  be  the  one  act  of  for- 
mality, i.  e.,  between  each  call  the  register,  or  the  registrar 
should  be  consulted;  the  attendant  given  the  card,  and  the 
caller  wait  for  the  return  card,  before  approaching  the  per- 
son whom  she  wishes  to  pay  the  distinct  attention  of  a  call. 

9.  Although  at  first  there  might  be  some  laughter  and 
confusion  under  such  a  system  of  club  calling,  it  really  would 
have  no  absurdities  greater  than  those  which  exist  in  gen- 
eral society.  Especially  marked  is  the  absurdity  of  the 
at-home  system  of  one  fixed  day  of  the  week,  or  one  or  two 
certain  days  of  the  month  (when  the  parties  are  not  always 
at  home),  or  when  many  women  are  obliged  to  pay  their 
calls  on  non-receiving  days  or  not  at  all.  Certain  neighbor- 
hoods with  one  generally  understood  day  have  simplified  the 
matter  somewhat.     Yet  even  this  system  is  unsatisfactory,  as 


64  A  CLUB  CALLING  SYSTEM. 

those  in  the  same  vicinity  are  not  able  to  call  upon  each 
other  without  missing  their  own  visitors.  The  present  sys- 
tem of  calling  is,  upon  the  whole,  a  check  to  social  inclina- 
tions. But  the  club  system  would  presumably,  in  the  case 
of  club  women,  remove  many  hindrances,  and  be  better 
adapted  to  the  convenience,  time,  and  inclinations  of  both 
parties — the  caller  and  the  called-upon. 

10.  If,  under  this  easy  method  of  exchanging  calls,  women 
who  had  lived  longest  in  the  place  did  not  avail  themselves 
of  it  and  call  finally  at  the  club-house  upon  later  comers,  it 
would  naturally  be  decided  that  they  still  lacked  time,  or 
desire  to  cultivate  a  closer  acquaintance.  Therefore,  in  a 
majority  of  cases  after  the  club  system  had  been  adopted  and 
in  use  for  a  reasonable  length  of  time,  etiquette  would  re- 
quire a  woman  to  wait  until  she  had  received  a  club  call  from 
members,  officers  and  directors  before  entertaining  them  in 
her  home. 

11.  Members  of  the  same  club  who  had  exchanged  club- 
house calls  would  be  sufficiently  honoring  each  other  in  ac- 
cepting an  invitation  to  a  luncheon,  a  dinner  or  a  reception  in 
their  homes,  and  need  not  feel  bound  to  call  at  the  home 
afterward,  though  it  might  be  mutually  pleasant.  No  call 
would  be  necessary.  But  the  hostess  would  be  pleased  at  the 
proof  of  appreciation  shown  by  a  call  at  the  club-house  when 
receiving  there,  and,  of  course,  in  giving  a  reception,  more  apt 
to  invite  again. 

12.  Club-house  calls  would,  it  is  believed,  not  only  sim- 
plify the  social  life  of  many  women,  individually,  but  en- 
hance and  extend  the  geniality  and  pleasure  which  club  women 
seek  to  create  and  foster  in  all  their  club  relations,  and 
therefore  aid  in  the  general  good." 

"I  shall  put  your  twelve  separate  remarks  or  prognosti- 
cations in  the  form  of  twelve  resolutions,  and  have  them  sub- 
mitted to  my  clubs  for  discussion  and  adoption." 

"I  think  I  shall  have  to  join  the  first  club  that  adopts 
them,  just  to  enjoy  the  luxury  of  feeling  that  when  I  re- 
ceive a  call  I  am  also  paying  it !  What  kind  of  tea  have  we 
been   sipping,    dear  ?" 

"A  mixture  of  rare  Old  Hyson  and  Oolong — a  new  blend." 
blend." 

"Your  own  experiment?" 

"Yes." 

"It's  a  successful  one." 

"Glad  you  think  so." 

"And  what  a  treasure  of  an  antique  tea  pot.  Where  did 
you  get  it?" 

"It's  the  only  thing  I  have  left  that  belonged  to  my 
grandmother." 


14  DAY  USE 

RETURN  TO  DESK  FROM  WHICH  BORROWED 

LOAN  DEPT. 


_Dii 


This  book  is  due  on  the  last  date  stamped  below, 
or  on  the  date  to  which  renewed.  Renewals  only: 

Tel.  No.  642-3405 
Renewals  may  be  made  4  days  prior  to  date  due. 
Renewed  books  are  subject  to  immediate  recall. 


tfic:^ 


^    IIIRIVB'^ 


PIII5C 


APR  121994 


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•'  USE  ONLY 


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DEC  1  2  IVV4    I 


CJtCULATlON  DEPT  S 
'RECEivEn 


C^^   1  f.   1994 


ci: 


HAY  19  1999 


,       JUN    2.  8   2006 Gen.r.1  Library 


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CDMbTMamE 


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